Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
‘I hear that from Nick all the time.’
‘How’re your finances?’
I inhaled, trying to keep calm. I had not come here for this. ‘Well, two wages are better than one.’ I’d been hoping to sound sarcastic or ironic or something but it was lost on her because she nodded as if I was simply stating an obvious fact. ‘But if I went back to work, Jack would do what?’
‘What do other people do? Send their children to nursery?’ She smiled. ‘It’ll do you good to have a bit of time apart. You spend too much time together.’
I glanced at Jack – his eyes were dutifully following from left to right and after a pause, he turned a page. But I didn’t trust it. Jack was always so smart.
‘How could I spend “too much” time together with my own child?’
‘Because love needs time to breathe. It doesn’t hurt to miss someone a bit.’
Like I had to learn to miss you? I nearly asked. But I didn’t because I’m not that mean.
She wrinkled her nose and leaned in. ‘You were a good nurse. You shouldn’t give it up.’
‘I could’ve been a terrible nurse and you wouldn’t know.’
‘I know you.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘I know you try hard at everything you do. And you’re kind too. And smart. How could you not be a great nurse if you try hard and you’re kind and smart?’
‘Maybe I pinched the patients.’
‘Well, go and pinch them again, Lisa, before you forget how to or before your training gets so old they don’t let you. You should be busy; it suits you.’
‘Things are great the way they are, Mum.’ I was lying but I couldn’t do anything else, because I could just tell that Jack was really listening to every word we say. I wanted an honest conversation, but with an audience, that wasn’t possible.
‘You’d have your own money again,’ she persevered. ‘It’d give you more . . . control.’
The way she emphasised her last word made me think she’d selected the word with care. Did she know something? Had I given something away?
‘If you have your own career, Lisa, you can be more independent. That can only give you more . . . options.’
I struggled for what to say, because it felt like we were talking about my problems. I wondered if she knew, but I was unsure. ‘I tried nursery and it wasn’t a good fit for Jack.’ There – I caught Jack give just the quickest glance up at me. He was listening. We cannot, I decide, have this conversation now. ‘How’s the gardening, Mum? You said you’ve been growing some veg?’
‘Nursery does children good,’ she said, ignoring me. ‘They see other kids their own age; it helps them socialise.’