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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

– I realise that Jack’s about to kill his father. ‘Don’t!’ I scream. I jump up onto his broad back. From over his shoulder, I can see Nick’s widened eyes, transfixed on the knife in our son’s right hand.

Then I hear a bang.

His arm draws back, brushing my waist, and I think: He’s going to stab him! Jack’s about to kill his father! But then there’s a shout and there’s someone standing in the open back doorway. I can’t see who it is, because my face is in Jack’s neck. I realise the noise has come from the kitchen door being slammed back on itself, again, but this time it’s not Nick.

I hear a woman shout: ‘Drop the knife!’

As my son turns his body towards the intruder, I’m still hanging on to his back so I turn, too. With one movement, Jack only pauses to fling me aside, before he smoothly steps torwards the trespasser.

It’s Erica. She’s standing there, eyes narrowed, holding the discarded shotgun better than I ever could. It’s so secure in her arms, it looks like she’s held it all her life. She shifts her posture a little and speaks again, her voice low and even. ‘Drop the knife, you fucker. Don’t think I won’t shoot you.’

His knife is still raised.

‘Dickhead, this is your final warning. I consider you a threat. Drop your weapon or I shoot you.’

He steps forward.

‘Step back! Step back!’ shouts Erica. There’s a stiffening in her posture – she’s about to shoot. ‘Step back and drop the knife.’

But my son will not do as he’s told. Not ever. He picks up a chair and hurls it at Erica. She steps neatly to one side and it hits the ground just outside the back door.

He takes another step towards her. We are all shouting for him to stop. Nick tries to grab him, but he’s kicked away. I try the same and am punched to the floor.

He glances over his shoulder at me and then abruptly rushes towards her, knife high in the air.

Seventy-Eight

seventy-eight:

– before –

– Jack’s about to kill his father! With this realisation, I ran across my bedroom and grabbed the knife from Jack’s small five-year-old hands. My son is surprised to see me and lets go of it easily. Shaking, I stared at my bed: Nick lay sleeping. He snorted and turned over, still in his dreams. The light leaked through the gaps in the bedroom curtains, throwing a bar across the bed, but it doesn’t disturb him. Nick had long ago got used to sleeping in the daytime, after working night shifts on the beat.