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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

Twisting my legs underneath me, I clamber to my knees. Then I check behind me, fearing a blood puddle: but the tiles are clean. Shuffling nearer the oak cabinets, I decide to use the counter for support. I struggle to stand, but manage it, before flopping against it and then laying my cheek against the cold marble. It makes me feel better.

I want to understand what happened to me. I came down the narrow cottage stairs just before eight. I remember coming into the kitchen and going to pick up our dinner plates from the table . . . and . . .

Nothing.

He must have attacked me then, because I don’t remember getting to the sink. Where are the plates? Not in the sink, not on the floor.

Then I notice the dishwasher door is ajar. It’s not been left like that by me. I never use the dishwasher, I always wash up by hand. He never used to, even when it was the two of us, before Jack. It was one of the petty arguments we used to have at a time when we still had petty arguments. Inside are two dinner plates: mine and Jack’s.

He stepped over me and opened the unused dishwasher and slotted in the plates as I lay on the floor by his feet.

My anger is hot steel, forged by years of his abuse. Sickened that he has brought his violence here, sickened in case Jack witnessed it, furious he would just step over me to purposefully make a mockery of me, I decide I’m going to have it out with him. Yes, he’s bigger, stronger, more vicious, but suddenly I don’t care. I am beyond seething. I don’t even care if my recklessness is because of my head injury. It doesn’t have to make sense: I just feel it.

I stand up straight and, reaching the kitchen door, I look into the hall and at the door to the stairs. It takes less than a second to decide to get free first. He’ll be expecting me and with my hands tied behind my back, I couldn’t do more than insult him.

I look around the kitchen for a knife.

Seven

seven:

– before –

I joined the queue for a coffee, then checked the café for my friends. This was my favourite time of the week – Friday morning, the beginning of the weekend, Jack enjoying his time with his nan and me being able to decompress by seeing my friends.