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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

I’m panicking. How can she not call the police for me? I don’t have a plan C. I drop to my knees and hold my hands out to her, and I think I’m crying or begging or both, but she’s still pulling away, and the rectangle of light thrown out is starved to a line and then that, too, is finally gone.

Forty-Four

forty-four:

– now –

The farmer’s front lawn is cold under my knees. I get up, shaking, confused. Somehow, I played this wrong. I know I will spend a long time going over the conversation in my mind, checking and rechecking what I said, analysing and reanalysing the mistakes I made. But I haven’t got time to do that now. There is still a small boy in danger.

I need a plan C. Now.

I could go on to Cleasong like Erica said. I could call in at the Red Lion and ask them to call the police. I’m not sure I have any other option: my son will now be looking for me.

Reluctantly, I consider going on. I’m tired and the dark will slow me, as will the lack of shoes, but at a push – because for Jack I can just be heroic – I could get there in realistically fifty minutes. If the police come to the Red Lion immediately, that will take ten minutes, and then I’ll have to tell them my story and then we will travel to the cottage – at best, that’s another twenty minutes.

But maybe the Red Lion won’t help me, maybe the police will be too busy on a Saturday night to respond quickly; maybe they’ll try and resolve it in some unseen way. Even if they do arrive quickly and we get there, perhaps Jack might be retrieved easily and quickly . . . but maybe not.

I can’t risk Jack’s safety.

The breeze plays against my face and my thoughts flutter between possible ideas. The only one that resonates with any power is the idea of my getting hold of Erica’s shotgun.

I think of how that would just change everything for me – for the better. I need it. With it, his power would tilt to me and then I’ll have the control to take Jack back. It’s the perfect solution – much better than getting the police involved. Simpler. He is the boy’s father, after all. I have no legal rights.