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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

‘But he felt bad when he saw what you’d done, trying to free yourself. The burns. That’s when he called me.’ His eyes flicker to my wrists. ‘He was upset both for you and that he’d had to turn off the gas.’

I don’t breathe. Instead, I think of him standing over me while I was unconscious. Where was little Jack when this was going on?

And: didn’t I turn off the gas? I want to remember that I did, but I don’t. With a rising nausea, I realise that what Nick is saying is possibly true.

Nick reaches out and lightly rests his hand on my arm. I almost lean into it.

‘Like I say, I remember how awful Jack could be when he was little, but Lisa, he did cut you free. And – because I asked him to until I got here – he did keep out of your way as soon as he was sure you were regaining consciousness. That’s true, isn’t it, that he stayed upstairs with Jack?’

I don’t speak because I can’t agree with this, even though this is the truth.

Instead, I look at the table: I can’t help it. Now, I want to know what has been placed in front of me.

Sixty-Seven

sixty-seven:

– now –

I drop my gaze to the tabletop to see what it is that Nick has put in front of me.

It’s the cable tie. It’s been cut. I thought I had burnt it off. It’s a little bit charred, but I can see the neat edge of a cut from a blade. It is unquestionable.

For the first time, I feel just a tiny – so tiny – flicker of doubt.

It seems like years ago I had tried to free myself, but glancing at the clock, I can see that only three hours have passed.

I reach out and touch it, turning the strip of plastic under my fingers. I couldn’t really see it, so how can I be sure? Although it looks the same, it could so easily be a lie.

Because he lies, I remind myself.

I hold onto this now, gripping this fact like a buoyancy aid because it’s all I have to guarantee my sanity. That and Jack. ‘When can I go up and see Jack?’ I persist, not wanting to think about the neat edge of the cable tie and what it might mean.

Nick rubs one finger around the rim of his glass. ‘I don’t know, Lisa. It might be better if we all waited until morning now. Perhaps it would be better if you were fresher and—’

‘No! Why?’

Nick eases away as if my voice is a blast to be avoided. ‘Jack hasn’t seen his son in a year – because of you. Don’t you think he’s entitled to a little time?’