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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

But he doesn’t say any of that.

Instead all he does is look at me with a sourness, a seriousness, as if he’s tasted old milk. ‘You got it so bloody wrong.’ He shakes his head, slowly.

I swallow against the dry in my throat: this is not going the way I thought it would. I’m confused why this is about me when I did not put anyone in a cage. My belly feels funny; perhaps I was the only one who ate something old, something sour. Why is it that he looks so angry with me?

His hand balls to a fist. ‘You silly, silly . . . I’m sorry, Lisa, but really. You’ve ruined so many lives. For what? A drugged-out mind’s misunderstanding. You didn’t know, did you? You didn’t know the facts and you jumped to one hell of a conclusion, all on your own. But that’s you, isn’t it? Always running in your own lane, no thought for anyone else.’ He shakes his head again, goes to say something, but stops himself. ‘You didn’t know,’ he finally says, but this time, he just sounds so sad.

The cold has slid from my stomach down to my bladder. I want to wee. I am frightened about what he is going to say. I thought I was on safe ground, finally. I don’t want to hear I was wrong again.

I don’t want to know, so very, very much.

Seventy-One

seventy-one:

– now –

‘The puppy, Lisa. You didn’t know about Lennie, did you?’ I don’t answer but he bangs his hand against the table. ‘The puppy, Lisa. Lennie. You didn’t know, did you?’

I find my head shaking. No, I don’t know what he’s talking about. I don’t know who Lennie is. I’m a little transfixed by the anger in Nick’s voice. He looks like a caricature of himself. If he was a cartoon, he would be drawn with a pink face and puffs of steam leaving his ears. I’m properly stoned, I realise, sorry, not sorry.

‘Say it,’ he says, slamming his fist on the table. ‘Say you don’t know what I’m talking about.’

I focus, now a little scared. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘He got a puppy, Lisa.’ His eyes are cold, hard and intent upon my own. Clearly I’m supposed to understand something that I’m not catching. What is the significance of this?