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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

‘It’s our Jack.’ His breath comes jagged, panting, and I know at once he’s nervous.

My breath freezes: I don’t move. I can see in his face, the drawn eyebrows themselves a question mark, that something isn’t as he expected it. He’s nervous: and that makes me nervous. Suddenly, the thought that something has happened to my son is the worst thing in the world.

‘He’s not here.’

‘What do you mean, he’s not here? He’s upstairs with little Jack.’

‘No. He was but . . . he’s just said he’s not here now.’ Nick is already looking around the kitchen. ‘I’ve got to find my car keys. Something’s wrong.’

‘He can’t have left . . .’ But I realise he could’ve done. Right out of the front door. No, I would’ve heard the creaking of the stairs. I bet he went out of the bedroom window.

‘Where is he now?’ My voice is so high and clipped it doesn’t even sound like me. ‘What did he say?’

‘He’s just down the lane. Something . . . I don’t know. He says he had to get out of here.’

He stops looking around the kitchen and instead stares with an intensity at me instead. ‘You go upstairs and check on Little Jack and I’ll go and find our son.’

I hold on to the table, gripping the pine tight under my fingertips. ‘What do you think’s happened?’

He shakes his head, his bewilderment clear. ‘I don’t know, Lisa. I thought . . .’ He bites his bottom lip. ‘Go. I’ll get my keys, I’ve just put them down somewhere . . . but go now. Stay here with Jack. Wait until you hear from me? Check that . . .’

. . . he’s OK.

He doesn’t have to say it aloud. I understand it. I see it: I see doubt and concern in his eyes. He’s been so sure he’s had all the answers, but now . . . now he’s not so sure.

‘Go now.’

Seventy-Three

seventy-three:

– now –

I’m no longer thinking; instead I take the stairs two at a time. I’m at the top of the landing within seconds. The floorboards complain under my feet as I cross to Jack’s bedroom in a heartbeat. My hand is on the door handle before I take a breath.

My bladder is cold; my lungs are fire. I don’t know what I’ll find.

It occurs that there’s a simple reason why my son has fled the property and left Jack here. My hand, on the door handle to Jack’s bedroom, drops like a dead bird.

I remember the blood; so much blood.