Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
I ignore the dig. ‘No, I just don’t believe it. I’ve watched you both together; all those times I’ve followed you home from the school pick-up, hand-in-hand. I’ve seen the way you both look at each other. You don’t just fake that.’ I stare into his face, wanting – needing – to see something. Some hint that I’m right. When I don’t see anything, I push again. ‘All that effort of getting a flat near the school, reeling Jack in, he’s only young, you wouldn’t do that. You might want to hurt me, but you’re not so cruel you’d do that to a little boy, your own son.’
He just smokes and watches me.
‘And all that you told Dad, you just said all that stuff to what, piss me off?’
‘And him. He’s no better. He abandoned us, I seem to remember, when I was only five.’
‘But what are you saying? I just don’t get it.’ I press my fingertips against my growing headache. ‘Are you saying this is just one big dig at me? That doesn’t fit. If you didn’t care about Jack, if you knew I was going to come to the flat and take him, if you set me up to do it, it doesn’t mean you’d be so angry you’d murder elderly folk in their beds.’
‘Just because I knew you would take Jack, doesn’t mean you should’ve taken Jack. You always let me down Lisa, you always have. That’s why I’m pissed off.’
‘You are so . . . cold.’
‘Just. Like. You.’
‘No. I am nothing like you. I accept I’ve struggled. I accept I may have had a little postnatal depression. I hold my hands up that I didn’t always get it right with you, but I was never cold with you.’
‘Incorrect. I feel like I’ve spent my entire life not knowing where I stand with you. You were either super loving and in my face, making up for all the times you were shit, or you were just shit. I feel my entire childhood was waiting for you to come back to me, staring at you when you were either zonked out, or staring out the window, or locked in the bathroom crying, or shut behind your bedroom door. Then after, you’d be cloying, guilty, telling me you love me, love me. But you are not like that with Jack. You’d risk taking him from under my nose, just to do right by him. How do you think that makes me feel?