Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
I’m so overwhelmed, stunned that he knows there’s something wrong with him; gobsmacked that he knows I care about him; sickeningly ashamed that my drug abuse affected him when I’d been so careful to kid myself they were only ‘naps’. ‘I know you don’t care about me . . .’ Pathetically I pause, hoping – still – that he’ll frown and say: No, I care about you, Mum. When he doesn’t, I feel almost amused that I am still so sad about this.
Then it occurs: ‘But you must care about one person – you must care about your son. Otherwise, why did you try to kill me to get him back?’ I say, checking over my shoulder to check he’s not standing in the doorway, listening.
‘I didn’t try to kill you – if I’d wanted to, I would’ve. If you got a whack on the head, though, that’s your fault – you deserved it, stealing him from me.’ He gives me a sly look. ‘But don’t believe that guff I fed Dad. I was one step ahead of you the whole time. That day you took Jack, I got your text saying you were coming round. I was expecting you. Let’s be honest, it was only a matter of time before you’d weaken and come snooping, but I knew, even before I got your message, that you were coming on that day. That’s why I set you up with the whole Jack-in-the-puppy-cage thing.’
I stunned with the truth. That I was right all along. ‘How did you know?’
‘Simple. Jack was adamant that he’d put his spelling book in his bag. He’s a very sensible lad, so I believed him. If he said he did, then he did.’ His grin deepened. ‘Which means you had to have removed it from his bag as you followed us after school, back to mine. And you would’ve only done that for one reason.’
I’m speechless. Finally, I say: ‘You were behind your bedroom door.’
He laughs a little and lights another cigarette from the dying embers of his first.
‘But why let me take him if you didn’t want me to?’
‘Because I did want you to. I never wanted Jack. I just wanted to piss you off.’
‘No,’ I say slowly. ‘That’s not true. You make it sound like you don’t care about your own son.’
‘Can’t think where I get that from.’