BooksBarbecue
Back What I Did
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

Jack and I sometimes went ten-pin bowling together; he’d complain that it wasn’t often enough, that I was always working. It’s true, I did work a lot. As a single parent, it was important to me to have financial security; it allowed me to take care of my mum a bit, as well as take care of Jack. I also loved the serenity of Sunningdale; the quiet atmosphere and the sweet nature of the residents made it a very peaceful place to be.

By the time my son was seventeen, I barely saw him anymore. I always kept his bed made up for him, and kept his favourite foods on my shopping list, but it wouldn’t be unusual not to see him for two or three weeks at a time. He would never tell me where he’d been. It was stressful not knowing, although I was always delighted to see him when he drifted home – but admittedly that would wear off within a few hours. But sometimes we would jog along OK and sometimes he would stay for three or four days.

Then one day, when he was eighteen, he came home and told me his girlfriend was pregnant. I didn’t even know he had a girlfriend. The baby was born, and sure enough as I visited the new family in hospital, he said, ‘Look, Lisa, look at how lovely my baby Jack is.’

‘You can’t call him Jack! You’re Jack.’

He laughed. ‘In the old days, people always called their first-born son after themselves. I’m just being traditional. He’s Jack Junior.’

Selena, his pale, monosyllabic girlfriend, held the baby out to me to hold and I took his beautiful weight in my arms. ‘Junior,’ I whispered to him.

‘No,’ my son corrected, ‘never Junior. His name is Jack.’

Even as a tiny blanketed baby, he looked out at us all with lovely long lashes. As I whispered to my new grandchild, his name, the first time I said his name, the word felt like dust in my mouth – it felt like going back in time.

Jack.