Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
I made myself look around. The room was small, with a diamond-leaded window on one wall and another small window by the oak front door. It smelt of lavender, old stone and dust. The estate agent talked about the versatility of the room, but I wasn’t really listening. Instead I looked out of the small window. The car doors were open just as I had left them and I could see Jack’s hand thrown back, his leg spilling over the side of the seat.
I relaxed a little.
I had spent many nights contemplating the facts. Although school would be a risk too far, I knew that I’d have to combat Jack’s growing anxiety by allowing him more freedom. Here, I thought, checking again through the window, he could play in the beautiful garden without me constantly watching him.
‘Would you like to see another room now?’
I hesitated – I had barely taken this one in. But as I stood there, I made a quick judgement that I could make it a welcoming place, right for me and Jack.
‘Could I see the kitchen, please?
He led me into the room I always thought of as the most important. It had a family-sized table in the middle and a half-glazed door to the garden, windows on two walls and a plank door. I was charmed to see a baby-blue Aga. ‘Does it work?’ I asked as I placed my palm on its cool top.
‘All gas safety checks are in order – you’ll just need to turn it on.’ He pointed to the far side of the kitchen: ‘Gas hob and oven too, if you prefer. Very good to have the option when it’s as warm as this.’
Above the hearth was a large clock. The ticking was loud – too loud in the small space, but I liked it, and I liked everything about the kitchen, including the slate tiles on the floor. I slipped my foot out of my flip-flop and pressed my sole against the stone. It felt icy cold. I shivered. After such hot days and nights for the last month, it felt good.
I also loved the low ceilings and thick walls; I realised that rather than feeling exposed and vulnerable here in the middle of nowhere, I could actually feel safe. The fact that I had left Jack out of my sight in broad daylight for the first time in forever – even if I hadn’t wanted to – felt like a major triumph.
I started to realise that the plan to come to Herefordshire, which had started as a panicked Google search for the most isolated place in England, and then a search for a furnished and remote cottage, might prove not to be just a panic-made decision, but actually a good move. ‘I could live here,’ I murmured to myself.
‘I’m sorry?’