Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
I still had my own bank account. I’d opened it years before I met Nick; it was currently empty. I would fill it with my own wages. I would give the nursing agency the details of that account, and then I would transfer the bulk of the cash into the joint account. Nick wouldn’t know how much I left in my account and nor would he be able to complain, as it was exactly the arrangement he himself used.
By the time I’d arrived in Brighton, I felt amazing. I realised that my mother had given me a plan – she’d told me what I needed to do, and after circling around different options, I’d realised she was right. But like all good decisions, I needed to decide it for myself. I felt intoxicated and saw so clearly how I’d allowed myself to be trapped.
Keen to act, as soon as I was back home I parked Jack in front of the TV and made phone calls to both nurseries and the biggest nursing agency in the area.
When Nick came in from the golf course, he smacked me on the backside, produced a doggy treat for Winston and gave Jack a packet of sweets. It was clear then that he’d been drinking heavily at the clubhouse, because he’d banned Jack from having any sweets, saying that they were bad for kids.
I ushered him to sit at the kitchen table.
‘I’ve got to get changed,’ he complained.
‘In a minute, I just want to say something first.’ I didn’t like him drinking too much, so I put a cup of tea in front of him. ‘I’ve got news!’ I announced.
His mood darkened as he eyed me over the top of his mug. ‘Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant,’ he said, his tone plunging from joyous to dangerous in a single second.
I blinked, stung. It’d been a long time since we’d talked about trying for another baby, but Nick had always been the keen one, trying to persuade reluctant me. I wasn’t aware that he no longer wanted another child and it told me then how much our relationship had slipped over the last year. I’d thought it, but to hear it back from him felt disorientating.
‘No, actually. I’ve got a job interview at a nursing agency. I’m going to see them on Friday at ten o’clock, when your mum has Jack, and then I’m viewing three nurseries that afternoon.’
He was so surprised, he slopped his tea. ‘You’re going back to work?’
‘I’ve decided it’s time.’
He looked so surprised, it was almost comic. ‘When? How? Why?’