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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

‘Thank you,’ I said, now it was my turn to squeeze her hand. ‘I mean that, but . . . you’re wrong. We are a happy family. We all love each other and want to be together. It’s sweet of Nadia to offer us her house, but we don’t need it. I’m tired a lot of the time – as you know Jack doesn’t sleep well – and I’m clumsy. I know it just sounds like a cliché, but aren’t clichés often true? When he sleeps through the night properly – when he’s eighteen maybe! – I’ll go back to work and I’ll just be . . . more on it.’ This time my smile felt more natural.

She sat back surprised. ‘Are you saying we’ve got it wrong?’

I nodded slowly. I made myself drink my coffee as if it evidenced just how OK everything was. ‘I know it sounds like the worst excuse ever – oh, I walked into the door! – but . . .’ I shrugged. ‘What can I do if that’s what’s happened? I can’t tell it any other way, can I?’

A shadow of doubt crossed Issy’s lovely face. ‘No, I guess . . . not.’

‘Look, I really appreciate the offer. But it’s – I’m glad to say – just not like that. But it gives me a good excuse to go back to the GP for help with his sleep. I’ll tell this to the GP to show just how bad it is for me, and who knows, maybe this time they’ll set up a referral or something. Sorry.’

‘You don’t need to apologise.’

‘I just feel, you’ve been so thoughtful, so kind, but it’s all for . . .’ I shrugged, warming to my role.

‘For nothing.’

‘Exactly. But, Issy, seriously, so, so nice of you. I’m lucky to have such great, thoughtful, kind friends.’

Somehow, our hands found one another, and for a moment we smiled hard at each other, as we gripped hands across the table. And then – and I still don’t know why – Issy, with a deft and sudden movement, reached across with her other hand and pulled up the baggy sleeve of my loose-knit jumper.

I didn’t let her – I just didn’t move quick enough.

And there further up, on the soft flesh on the underside of my arm, near my elbow, was a burn, where, when frying Nick a couple of eggs and after a silly dispute about ketchup, a sudden shove caught the flame, and I saw it and then I looked up to see her staring at it – and I did nothing, because I could do nothing.