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Back What I Did
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

Spoken to Matt! Matt the high-powered banking exec who hankers after being a stand-up comedian and who Nick likes the most. Sometimes the eight of us got together in the evening – Nessa and George, Nadia and Matt, and Issy and Chris, me and Nick – but it’s all ruined. How could Matt and Nick crack jokes over a beer, now? I realised, with sickening certainty, this big talk has killed that part of my life. Not only are our weekly coffee meetings trashed but also it seems that the part where I get to put on a nice top and nice shoes and have drinks with people who think I’m just like them, is also over.

Now at-the-moment-I’m-stay-at-home-mum-but-I’m-really-a-trained-nurse Lisa and policeman Nick Law will never be welcome around housewife Nadia Marshall and her husband Matt Head-of-some-big-banking-division; now we will never again sip gin and tonic, and eat nibbles from little bowls on their lovely patio. Now it’s extremely unlikely that Matt would even let Nick into his house but even if he did, I know that every single one of them would be staring at Nick thinking: Wife beater.

And worse, they’ll be looking at me thinking: Target.

I feel sick that they’ll look at little Jack and think: Victim.

These people, my friends, are lovely people, and I wish it wasn’t true, but I can’t see how we can ever not be set apart from them now.

‘. . . and Matt’s agreed that you and Jack can have the top floor. It’s got lovely views – you can see the sea from the Velux. Nessa says you can have her camping kitchen if you want to set it up and Matt and Nadia are happy for you to do that if you want your own privacy. Even if you don’t, you’ll have your own bathroom and be perfectly safe.’

Issy sat back and breathed out, evidently relieved that she’d delivered what was, undeniably, a difficult message to deliver.

But if it was hard to say, it was harder to hear. The thought of being stuck in someone else’s top floor on my own every day with Jack and none of my things around me and no future, and no family unit, made me feel sick.