Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
Jack’s speaking now, his voice emotionless. ‘Dad tried to persuade me to hold Ted again: but I thought you were just ganging up on me to get rid of me. When I saw Dad in his police uniform, I thought he was going to arrest me and take me to prison. But don’t worry, Lisa dear, I don’t view Dad as any better than you. He was more interested in his dog than me. And then he was more interested in criminals. And then he was more interested in Anne-Marie, Amelia and Sophie. Did you know this interesting fact? I have never met Sophie. She is nine years’ old, was born on the 12th June, but I have never been invited to her birthday, ever. Not once. My sister.’
He draws heavily on his cigarette and regards broken me with amused eyes. ‘You want me to have feelings. You’re disappointed in me because I don’t care about stuff. But tell me this, why would I want to have feelings with you two for parents? Neither of you even noticed it was my birthday last week. The truth is, Lisa, there’s loads of ways like that you’ve both wronged me. I can’t be bothered to explain even one more to you. To explain would be to care. But I will say this: I’ve never been able to reach you, Lisa. You’ve never listened to me.’
He smokes, watching my devastation. I can’t see him because my eyes are now closed, but I can feel his on me, just as I feel and smell the smoke blown at me.
‘Trust me on this, Lisa, it’s been a pleasure every single time I’ve wound you up. It’s been worth it to me because it makes me feel alive to punish you. I hated it that you were all perfect and mushy with Jack but not with me. It’s an insult. I always had to work so hard to get your attention.
‘So, all the effort of the flat, looking after Jack at the weekends, it’s been worth every bit of effort, ten-fold. And you can trust me on that.’
‘You’re a psychopath,’ I say it aloud, not meaning to. But his reaction surprises me.
He sips his drink. ‘Don’t let it bother you – it doesn’t bother me.’
‘It should. The things you’ve done – it should bother you a lot.’
He shrugs. ‘Why would it? It makes my life easier. I don’t have to care what other people think. It makes it easier at work; makes it easier with girls. I like being an island.’
I almost gasp aloud at the expression – it’s like he’s taken my own thoughts.
– I’m an island –
and bent them into a different shape. I made him. He’s broken, dangerous, and he doesn’t even care. But I care, very much.