Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
‘He’s fine, I promise. He thinks you went to visit a friend. He’s still awake, though. Too excited. Jack’s with him now. You’re going to sit down and rest, and then I think you need a bath.’
I sob again; I’m frightened at what will happen next, but I’m so exhausted. Emotions rise and I can’t stem my tears as they flow. I sob, feeling the overwhelming surge of feelings that I can’t tease apart. I’m just too tired.
Nick has placed his arm around me again. ‘Lisa, don’t worry,’ he says at some point and I feel his surety flow through me. His arm is welcome, a bough I can shelter under. I want more: I want him to lift me up and put his arms around me, just like he used to.
Instead he lowers me into a chair. Then he pours me a stiff drink and slides it over like a bartender in an old Western. I catch it and try not to smile. With stiff movements that make him seem older than I remember, he gets up and goes to the larder. He comes back and gives me the green first-aid kit.
I drink the whisky: it’s sour enough to give me a shiver. I look at the green kit and then at him. ‘How did you know where it was?’
‘About the third thing I did when I got here was look for your tablets. I found some under your bed, but I know you well enough that you only keep a stash there for emergencies. So I carried on looking.’ His head jerked in the direction of the larder. ‘And clever me, I thought that looked about the right place for your main stockpile.’ He looks sad when he says: ‘You don’t change, Lisa.’
Nothing about me has changed, least of all how I feel about you. I finish my drink. ‘Not true. I only started using again after my mother’s death. I had been clean for years.’ When Nick didn’t say anything, I changed the subject. ‘When are you going to let me see Jack?’
‘Do you want to?’ His dark eyebrows knit together and a hand rubs his face briefly, in a habit I’d forgotten that I’d even known about. ‘I mean, is that a good idea right now? You’ve both had a bad night with each other – we don’t want any more rows.’
‘Not that Jack,’ I said, hearing my own disgust in my voice as I carefully peel my socks from my feet. ‘Little Jack.’