Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
‘Lisa, don’t shake your head like this isn’t happening. I know you bury your head in the sand, but you’ve got to see: it’s worse than we thought. She had a hole in her cheek, Lisa. It’s obvious there’s something massively, hugely, fucking wrong with Jack and I want us to try to get professional help again. Something specialist. We mustn’t give up this time, we’ve got to make a fuss. Take it all the way down the line and get him something secure.’
‘Something secure?’ I could hear the horror screeching nails down glass in my voice. ‘What do you mean . . . secure?’
Nick swallowed but he kept his gaze steadily on mine. ‘Somewhere where he can’t do anything . . . worse.’
I didn’t move, didn’t breathe.
‘We’ve lost control.’ He gave a dry laugh. ‘Who am I kidding? We never even had it.’ He shook his head. ‘Lisa, he took the flesh out of her cheek.’
I thought of Nick’s lovely mum and felt my heart bruise for her.
‘And what about him breaking your rib?’ he continued. ‘And the kid he put in hospital with concussion in his last week at nursery, before he left? Now the earlobe in school? I’m so scared of what he’s going to be like when he’s bigger. Lisa, I worry he’s going to kill someone –’ he struggled against his now openly flowing tears – ‘I’m worried he’s going to kill you.’
My voice was a whisper: ‘When were you thinking?’
‘I want to make a call today. Now. To social services. I shouldn’t have lied at the hospital – I just panicked. I wanted to talk to you first. Then all the way home, I kept thinking that moment was my golden opportunity to admit the truth. I was furious with myself: I thought I’d blown it, missed my chance. But, Lese, we don’t have to miss it – I could ring now and explain.’
I shook my head: no.
I knew the damage of what it was like to grow up without parents. He was our son. We couldn’t just send him back: No, sorry, parenthood just isn’t what we’d thought.
We were trapped, I knew that, but I thought we were both trapped together. I didn’t know that within three days that would change abruptly and for good.