Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
I spotted Issy, and mouthed: Do you want a drink? When she shook her head, I felt a stab of relief. I wanted to be generous but I couldn’t help but be glad I was buying only for me – money was tight, and Nick kept talking about me going back to work now Jack was three. I had said I’d go back when he was one, and since then the subject seemed to come up every couple of months. But today, I decided I wouldn’t think about it – today was Nessa’s birthday and I couldn’t wait to give her the dozen tulips I’d bought her, and – smugness beyond smugness – I’d made her my famous banana bread. I’d wrapped it carefully in brown paper and string and it smelt pretty darned special.
Coffee in hand, I wove through the tables to our favourite spot in the window. ‘Hey!’ It was only Issy, not little Lottie, and I realised I’d never before seen Issy without her daughter during the day. Lottie was the sweetest thing, with matching red hair to Issy’s, and she’d sit and draw for hours.
I looked around, expecting to see one of the others come in: ‘No Nadia or Nessa yet?’ I sat down without waiting for an answer and relaxed.
Issy smiled at me without meeting my gaze. ‘Your hair is pretty like that.’
I touched it a little self-consciously: ‘Thanks.’ Normally I wore my hair scraped back into a ponytail. I changed the subject: ‘I thought I’d be last because I’ve run late all morning. You haven’t heard from the others?’
When Issy didn’t answer, I looked at her properly and saw her avoidant gaze, the bottom bite of her lip – and just knew. Issy was so bright and confident and nothing ever fazed her but I realised from her nerves and the lack of her daughter and our friends that something was going on. This was no normal Friday coffee. Then I thought: She knows. They all know.
And even though I didn’t truly believe that – even though I dismissed it as my paranoia talking, already it felt like the banana cake and the tulips and the stress of running late might all be for nothing.
‘It’s just us today.’
‘Not even Lottie?’
‘I asked my mum to have her.’
‘You asked your mum to have her,’ I repeated, shock dulling my voice. Issy hated her mum looking after her daughter – she thought her much too strict. Today had to be a special day if she’d actually asked her mum for childcare. Obviously whatever was going to be said, couldn’t be said in front of small ears.