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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

As I run across the field back to Jack, I dodge stones and dips, my breath cold in my lungs. As I run, I cradle the gun. It’s a struggle to hold – I’m afraid of it, but I’m glad of it. I can’t help but hold it and not think of Mungo, my son’s one-time best friend.

I don’t want to think of Mungo, because he was so much part of my family for a while and because it ended so sadly. So I don’t think of him, and instead think of Nick because that’s easier, and because it was due to Nick’s intervention into Jack’s schooling that Mungo even came into Jack’s life in the first place.

Jack’s schooling was always an issue. Over the years, I’d had to call on Nick for some of the bigger issues and he was always there in the background, always willing to helicopter in to help with our son when I needed him. He always paid maintenance – more than he should have really, and never late. He phoned every week and took an interest in Jack’s life.

When it went wrong at yet another school, it was Nick who forgot his socialist beliefs first and arranged for our boy to sit a scholarship exam for a prestigious private school. When he passed, it was Nick who paid for the gap in fees that the scholarship didn’t cover, as well as the uniform, the travel and all the little extras that added up to a lot.

Jack went to that school for two years and complained bitterly about it every day. From the age of twelve until he was fourteen, he was out of the house from 7.00 in the morning until 7.00 at night and when he came home he was angry, truculent and even more uncommunicative than ever.

I didn’t want him to leave, partly because of the possibility of opportunity it gave him, but mostly because I felt he underestimated the change it would be to join a bigger school mid-year. Nick’s hunch that he was above-average smart had been confirmed when we got his scores from his entrance exam – he was incredibly bright. Unusually so. I expect Nick also felt a secret swell of pride – I know I did. I thought that he’d inherited it from my side of the family – my father was a doctor of literature and there had been rumbles that he’d be made a professor shortly before he died.