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Back What I Did Save as PDF
Chapters (87)
  1. Cover
  2. Praise
  3. Dedication
  4. One
  5. Two
  6. Three
  7. Four
  8. Five
  9. Six
  10. Seven
  11. Eight
  12. Nine
  13. Ten
  14. Eleven
  15. Twelve
  16. Thirteen
  17. Fourteen
  18. Fifteen
  19. Sixteen
  20. Seventeen
  21. Eighteen
  22. Nineteen
  23. Twenty
  24. Twenty-One
  25. Twenty-Two
  26. Twenty-Three
  27. Twenty-Four
  28. Twenty-Five
  29. Twenty-Six
  30. Twenty-Seven
  31. Twenty-Eight
  32. Twenty-Nine
  33. Thirty
  34. Thirty-One
  35. Thirty-Two
  36. Thirty-Three
  37. Thirty-Four
  38. Thirty-Five
  39. Thirty-Six
  40. Thirty-Seven
  41. Thirty-Eight
  42. Thirty-Nine
  43. Forty
  44. Forty-One
  45. Forty-Two
  46. Forty-Three
  47. Forty-Four
  48. Forty-Five
  49. Forty-Six
  50. Forty-Seven
  51. Forty-Eight
  52. Forty-Nine
  53. Fifty
  54. Fifty-One
  55. Fifty-Two
  56. Fifty-Three
  57. Fifty-Four
  58. Fifty-Five
  59. Fifty-Six
  60. Fifty-Seven
  61. Fifty-Eight
  62. Fifty-Nine
  63. Sixty
  64. Sixty-One
  65. Sixty-Two
  66. Sixty-Three
  67. Sixty-Four
  68. Sixty-Five
  69. Sixty-Six
  70. Sixty-Seven
  71. Sixty-Eight
  72. Sixty-Nine
  73. Seventy
  74. Seventy-One
  75. Seventy-Two
  76. Seventy-Three
  77. Seventy-Four
  78. Seventy-Five
  79. Seventy-Six
  80. Seventy-Seven
  81. Seventy-Eight
  82. Seventy-Nine
  83. Eighty
  84. Epilogue
  85. Acknowledgements
  86. Extract from To Keep You Safe
  87. About the Author

This is not what I thought she’d say. I take a deep breath. ‘Look, I’ll come clean. If you don’t help me, there’s a little boy’s life at stake. My grandson’s. He’s only a mile from here –’ I turn and point in the direction of my cottage – ‘we only live just there. We’re your neighbours. My feet are filthy because I’ve just run across the fields to get to you. My son is there, he’s . . . a person who has done bad things. I totally accept responsibility for that, but he’s got a son, Jack, who’s gorgeous, only eight years old, and his dad, when he had him, was . . . well, let’s just say it’s not a happy story. So I took him and brought him here and we’ve been living at that little cottage together for the last year, so happy. But tonight my son has found us and he attacked me and . . . ’ I look down at my wrists and hold them up to her, encouraged that she’s angling her head to see. Do I see a softening in her face? Hope flickers. ‘He knocked me out and I woke up on my kitchen floor about an hour ago. He’s got Jack and –’ I think of the closed bedroom curtains as I was leaving – ‘and this is all a game to him and I hate the fact that he’s dangerous but he is –’ I think of Sunningdale and my mother – ‘and I need help.’ I push my wrists a little closer to her as if they evidence my point.

‘He burnt you?’

‘No, I had to do this. He tied me up and I had to get free. I used the gas cooker.’

Her top lip rises in a sneer: ‘You did this to yourself on your gas cooker?’

I realise how ridiculous this sounds to her. ‘When you’ve got a kid, you’ll do anything for them. I can’t let my son harm my grandson. I didn’t want the police, because . . .’

I want to jump over this bit, but she simply waits for me to explain.

‘Because legally he belongs to my son, but it’s me who’s raised him since he was a baby. He’s my child, too. And if you don’t help me, he could die tonight.’

I’d hoped this last point would make her feel shamed into helping, but instead she says: ‘He’s not even yours? You took your son’s boy? No wonder he knocked you out – I’d knock you out if I had a kid and you took it.’ She shouts: ‘Go away, you loon!’ She’s shutting the door.

‘Please! The police! Will you call them?’

‘Fuck off!’