Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
As I start to steady, I want to look in the mirror and see myself. I turn on the light. The sudden brightness shocks my eyes, but only for a moment. I twist my head from side to side, examining closely to find some sign of damage. Perhaps infuriatingly, there isn’t much. My ear is reddened; I’ve obviously been slapped or perhaps that’s where I took the blow, or perhaps just from lying on the cold floor.
I have to push forwards. Feeling better for just taking the pain relief, I think through my options: I can’t call anyone. I have no shoes. No money. It’s four miles to the nearest village. I can’t use my car. I don’t know anyone who lives nearby – there isn’t anyone nearby. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that Jack is upstairs and is apparently having a bedtime story. He didn’t sound hurt or upset but seemed content choosing a book. He’s with his dad, which although it is a disaster, Jack will be happy about because he does love him.
I feel reassured.
What might be the worst news is that I’ve been assaulted, tied up and by taking my keys and phone and shoes, his dad is expecting me to stay here – forcing me to. Why? Suddenly, I see that it isn’t Jack who is in danger, but me. By making the bedroom warm and reading him a story, his father has made sure Jack will soon fall asleep. Then when all is quiet, he will come down to see me. He has come here to punish me. Jack is safe – if anything was going to happen to him, his father has already had ample opportunity to harm him.
It’s me he wants to harm.
Immediately, I see I was right not to challenge him. Instead I’ve got to do the opposite: I’ve got to get out.
I mustn’t be here when he comes for me.
But that means leaving Jack.
It’s not for long though, I tell myself. I have no choice but to get help – perhaps I even have to consider the police. What’s clear is that we will never be safe here again – we will never be safe anywhere again. What he’s done tonight means I have to think fresh on old ideas. And if that means calling the police and risk losing Jack, so be it. The truth is, now he’s attacked me, tied me up, perhaps I have grounds to get them to listen to me, side with me. Although he’ll say I made it up or I did it to myself, there’s still a possibility they’ll believe me.