Chapters (87)
- Cover
- Praise
- Dedication
- One
- Two
- Three
- Four
- Five
- Six
- Seven
- Eight
- Nine
- Ten
- Eleven
- Twelve
- Thirteen
- Fourteen
- Fifteen
- Sixteen
- Seventeen
- Eighteen
- Nineteen
- Twenty
- Twenty-One
- Twenty-Two
- Twenty-Three
- Twenty-Four
- Twenty-Five
- Twenty-Six
- Twenty-Seven
- Twenty-Eight
- Twenty-Nine
- Thirty
- Thirty-One
- Thirty-Two
- Thirty-Three
- Thirty-Four
- Thirty-Five
- Thirty-Six
- Thirty-Seven
- Thirty-Eight
- Thirty-Nine
- Forty
- Forty-One
- Forty-Two
- Forty-Three
- Forty-Four
- Forty-Five
- Forty-Six
- Forty-Seven
- Forty-Eight
- Forty-Nine
- Fifty
- Fifty-One
- Fifty-Two
- Fifty-Three
- Fifty-Four
- Fifty-Five
- Fifty-Six
- Fifty-Seven
- Fifty-Eight
- Fifty-Nine
- Sixty
- Sixty-One
- Sixty-Two
- Sixty-Three
- Sixty-Four
- Sixty-Five
- Sixty-Six
- Sixty-Seven
- Sixty-Eight
- Sixty-Nine
- Seventy
- Seventy-One
- Seventy-Two
- Seventy-Three
- Seventy-Four
- Seventy-Five
- Seventy-Six
- Seventy-Seven
- Seventy-Eight
- Seventy-Nine
- Eighty
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- Extract from To Keep You Safe
- About the Author
‘He’s gone.’ I glanced at Jack, but his eyes continued to track the words on his page.
She raised an eyebrow, her blue eyes staring. ‘Gone? Where?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You don’t know where your husband is? Or are you telling me that Nick’s left you?’
‘No.’ My mouth was dry. ‘It’s me – us. What I’m trying to say is, it’s not really him that’s gone, I suppose.’
‘You’ve left him?’
I glanced at my son and mouthed: we’ve separated.
She blinked and for the first time, perhaps ever, I saw her looking unsure. But she soon rallied. ‘Are you and Jack are still in your flat?’
‘No. It’s under offer.’
‘What?’ She took an audible breath. ‘You’ve left and the flat has already been put up for sale? What on earth’s going on?’
‘It’s what I wanted.’ But even as I said it, I couldn’t believe it. It went under offer before the details were even produced, going to the first couple who viewed it. Now the hairs in the paint are their problem, but I’m not stupid enough to think they care.
‘But it’s not too late to change your mind?’
I can’t go back, I mouthed. My throat ached. I reached for my son but he moved away from me. It was a subtle move, a little leaning away, but enough for me to know he was listening. But what could I do? I had to tell my mum and it wasn’t like he didn’t already know.
‘But is Nick still in the flat?’ I could tell by her voice that she was angry.
‘He’s wrapping things up.’
‘And where’s he going? And if he goes, can’t you just stay?’
I could only shrug. I wanted to try to touch Jack again, but didn’t dare. I couldn’t take his anger – not when everything I did was for him. When he was older, I told myself, then he would understand. Love is so controlling: nobody tells you the leash it becomes.
‘Lisa! Stop playing silly buggers. I want proper details, the full facts. Are you two talking at all?’
‘We email.’
‘And where are you living?’
‘Bracknell.’
‘Bracknell! You’ve left Brighton?’
‘I had to.’
‘Is he still seeing . . .’ Jack? She mouthed the last bit, careful eyes watching him.
I shook my head.
She looked at me with shrewd, impatient eyes. ‘So all this happened, when?’
‘Two weeks ago.’
‘What, just out of the blue? I’ve been seeing you every month and you say everything is fine, but now I find out your marriage is over, you’ve left your home, and, what, I presume you must’ve moved Jack out of his lovely school, too.’