Here are a few examples…

• ‘You rock… I’m glad I know you!’
• ‘You look great today!’
• ‘You look really friendly and approachable when you smile!’
• ‘You’re really interesting and kind and quirky!’

It’s weird at first, giving yourself compliments, but every positive message helps to raise your self-esteem!

Step Three…

Look for the Good Stuff!

Dear Cathy

I know I am a let-down to my family. I can’t seem to do anything right. Once, when my mum was angry, she called me a sad little loser and sometimes I think that’s exactly what I am…

Colette, age 13

Hello Cathy

My friend is always telling me how stupid I am and how no boys will ever like me. It gets me down. If I’m so useless, what is she doing hanging out with me?

Della, age 12

It hurts when people who are supposed to care about us put us down. If we are told often enough that we’re stupid, useless or lacking in some way, slowly we come to believe it – it might be a parent, a teacher or a so-called ‘friend’ trampling all over our confidence, but the effect is the same. It hurts – and if it goes on, it wears down our self-esteem. Pretty soon, we can no longer see anything good about ourselves.

People who put others down to make themselves feel good are the ones with the problem. Colette’s mum may simply have been very angry, but perhaps she is also bitter, resentful and depressed? Della’s ‘friend’ enjoys making her mate feel bad, and that’s a toxic kind of friendship – one Della needs to ditch, before it is too late.

It’s fantastic when our friends, family and teachers boost our self-esteem and shine up our confidence with positive comments… but what if they don’t? What if they chip away at us, piece by piece, trying to make us as unhappy as they are? It can be hard to stop that negative feedback seeping in and pulling us down.

That’s why self-esteem has to start with YOU. It’s no good just soaking up the nice/nasty things other people say. It’s what you think that really matters.

So, back to the girl in the mirror… it’s time to get to know her a bit better! Get yourself a sheet of paper and write down ten things you rate about yourself… yes, that’s rate, not hate. We all have good qualities – it’s time to uncover yours! If you’re struggling, think about what you’d say to your new friend… what’s cool, interesting and fun about her? Don’t let her be shy… remind her of some of the things she’s good at!

1 I love animals.

2 I’m good with little kids.

3 I’m a good listener.

4 I work hard in class.

5 I love reading.

6 I can keep a secret.

7 I make brilliant butterfly cakes!

8 I’m quite tidy.

9 I am caring, thoughtful and kind.