Bereavement

Cathy

My grandad was the best ever. He believed in me and understood me and he was teaching me Italian because that’s where he was born. He was in the hospital for weeks and then he died, and I don’t think I will ever get over it. Why does it hurt so much?

Larisa, age 13

Dear Cathy

A terrible thing has happened. My cousin was in a motorbike accident last week and died. He was only eighteen. It’s just so wrong that someone so young can die so suddenly. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Alana, age 11

The death of a loved one can take the floor out from under your feet. Whether a death follows a long illness or comes right out of the blue, it is always hard to handle.

Larisa was very close to her grandad, and accepting that he is no longer around will take time. Larisa shouldn’t keep her feelings to herself – talking about the person who has died can be sad, but will also help her to come to terms with the loss. Talking to family is a good way to find support, but remember that some of your friends will have been through this too – don’t shut them out if they offer a shoulder to cry on.

In time, Larisa will find that she can focus on the happy times she shared with her grandad and be glad that she got to know him so well. Some people make a big impression on our lives, and those people help to shape us – they become a part of who we are.

Death doesn’t just come for those who have lived a long and happy life, though, as Alana has discovered. Sometimes, it takes people who have barely had a chance to start living, who still had so much more to give, to do. That can be especially hard to accept.

Alana may find her confidence in the world around her is badly shaken – nothing seems safe or sure any longer. We never know what life has in store for us, but that doesn’t mean we should live in fear, wrapping ourselves up in cotton wool in case something should go wrong.

It sounds crazy, but maybe we should live every day as if it could be our last. That means packing in as much fun, love, friendship and happiness as we can… living life to the full.

If today was your last day on earth, what would you do differently?

• Smile at your crush?
• Do something cool with your friends?
• Cuddle your dog/cat?
• Eat a slice of chocolate cake?
• Thank the school cook for making the best pizza ever?
• Wash up for your mum?
• Revise for a French test so you can say you finally got twenty out of twenty for something?
• Hug your pesky little sister?
• Take two minutes out to be friendly to the quiet kid at school who doesn’t seem to have many mates?