Caoihme needs to accept that if she breaks a rule, she will be grounded… logical conclusion? Don’t break the rules! If she earns her parents’ trust she will find the rules ease up and she is given more freedom because her parents will start to trust her to be where she says she is and get home when she is expected. It’s give and take… you can’t expect to be treated like a young adult if you go on acting like a child!

Hi Cathy

My best friend often lies to her mum about where she is going, who she’s with and what she’s doing. She says her mum is too strict, but I feel awkward knowing what she’s up to and hate it when she uses me as an excuse.

Erica, age 13

Cathy

My parents say I am too young to have a boyfriend, but my crush has asked me out and I so badly want to say yes. It’s so unfair… nobody else has parents like this. I am thinking of just not telling them and going out with him anyway.

Jia, age 14

Going behind your parents’ back is something I would never advise. Once you start to lie to them, the whole relationship crumbles and there is little respect or honesty left to keep you afloat.

When you are in your parents’ care, they need to know where you are, who you are with and how you can be contacted. These are the basics of trust and safety. If something went wrong and your parents didn’t know where you were, how could they help? Would Erica’s friend be brave enough to call her parents if she got into trouble at a party when they thought she was at a friend’s house? Maybe not. You need to be able to ask for help because no matter how sussed you think you are, sometimes things WILL go wrong.

If parents find they are being lied to, then trust me, that is likely to upset and annoy them more than almost anything else. Be honest. If you feel things are unfair, get talking… show them they can trust you, help them to take little steps towards giving you more freedom until you achieve the thing you want. Work with them, not against them.

Jia may not be able to convince her parents she is ready for a relationship, but she can talk honestly to her crush and explain the situation. She may not be able to see him as a boyfriend, but she can see him as a friend… and hope that her parents relax enough to change their views.

Brothers and Sisters

Hello, Cathy

My brother is so spoilt. He is definitely the favourite. He gets away with murder, and my mum gives him everything and I barely get anything!

Seema, age 10

Cathy

My little sister drives me mad. She follows me everywhere, takes my things, tries to read my diary and even listens outside the door when my friends are over. I could strangle her!