If other people have unrealistic expectations of you, or want something from you that’s just not possible for you to give, then that’s a problem you need to discuss and sort out as soon as possible. Don’t try to be something you’re not, or force yourself to jump through hoops in the hope of pleasing others. It’s OK to be you.

Little White Lies

Cathy

All the girls in my class have boyfriends and I invented a boy I’d met on holiday so they wouldn’t feel sorry for me. Now I’m stuck with pretending he writes to me, and I don’t know how to stop the lie.

Fran, age 12

Dear Cathy

When I moved schools, I told everyone my parents had really good jobs and that we had a big house and lots of money. Now I can’t even ask anyone home because they’ll know I was lying… I’m in a real mess.

Lexi, age 10

Little white lies have a way of getting out of hand, as Fran and Lexi have discovered. Maybe you don’t mean to lie. Perhaps you just want to fit in, impress your friends, or embellish the truth a little, but pretty soon you’re trapped in a web of secrets and lies.

Lies are easy to tell, and not so easy to put right. There’s only one thing that can wipe out a lie, and that’s the truth. Of course, you can try to wriggle out of it for a while… Fran could always say her boyfriend has ditched her; Lexi could tell everyone her family have fallen on hard times. Those aren’t great solutions, though – they just add to the first lie, make it more tangled and twisted than ever. The more you lie, the more likely you are to be found out.

People have an instinct for when others are not telling the truth, so the chances are Fran and Lexi’s friends already suspect things are not as they seem. You cannot have friendship without trust, and that’s why lies can do so much damage. Fran and Lexi must tell the truth, and explain why they lied to start with. Their friends won’t be impressed, but they will respect the fact that Fran and Lexi are being honest now. Hopefully, they will forgive them.

Lying won’t make others like or accept you – just the opposite. It will add to your troubles… and you will be found out. Don’t go there.

Self-destruct

Hi Cathy

My parents split up last year and nothing seems to matter any more. I know there is no such thing as a ‘happy family’. I can’t be bothered with school any more and I’ve made some new friends who smoke a lot. I know it’s bad for you, but the truth is, I don’t really care…

Demi, age 13

Demi is hurting. Her life has tilted out of shape and she can’t make sense of it any more… why work hard at school? Why behave? Why look after your health? The family split has made Demi question everything. She has given up on school, old friends and even on herself, and the person who’ll suffer most from this is Demi. She is punishing herself, taking risks with her health and her future.