For Joelle, things are tougher. Her dad’s way of dealing with the split has been to cut the ties and move on, seeing his daughter only occasionally. Now that he plans to move abroad, Joelle feels she is losing him completely.

Joelle could write to her dad and let him know how much she needs him and wants to keep in touch. Perhaps a long-distance relationship may be easier for him to maintain, but, sadly, it’s also possible that he won’t keep in touch. Parent-child relationships are not always easy, especially after a break-up – some parents choose to walk away from their old lives, leaving a trail of pain and mess behind them.

Parents are not perfect… and when a parent lets us down, it hurts more than almost anything else. Sometimes, children go on trying to make connections with parents who have hurt them, but often they have no choice but to let go. If a parent cannot give you the love and support you need, you may need to look around for others – teachers, relatives, family friends – who can. They won’t replace your parent, but it will help, and sometimes that makes all the difference.

Helpbox

Read It…

• Wise Guides: Divorce and Separation by Matthew Whyman (Hodder)
• Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas by Alan Wolfelt (Companion Press)
• After Someone Dies (free leaflet available from CRUSE Bereavement Care, PO Box 800, Richmond, Surrey TW9 1RG or download as a PDF file from www.rd4u.org.uk)

Websites:

• www.kidshealth.org – sections on bereavement, abuse, and much more
• www.childline.org.uk – sections on neglect, abuse, domestic violence, what happens when someone dies and more
• www.youngcarers.net – help, support and advice for those caring for a parent/family member
• www.rd4u.org.uk – for anyone grieving after the death of a loved one
• www.samaritans.org – when you don’t know where to turn
• www.riprap.org.uk – help and support for young people with a parent who has cancer
• www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen – help for teenage relatives and friends of alcoholics

Helplines:

• ChildLine – 0800 1111
• RD4U Helpline – 0808 808 1677 (for when someone you love has died)

Email:

• [email protected] – to ask a question linked to the death of a loved one
• [email protected] – when you don’t know where to turn

Write to:

• Samaritans: Chris, PO Box 9090, Stirling, FK8 2SA – when you don’t know where to turn

Cathy’s Books… Published by Puffin

• Dizzy – abandoned by mother
• Indigo Blue – domestic violence
• Driftwood – living in care, coping with the death of a parent
• Scarlett – messy divorce and its aftermath
• Sundae Girl – alcoholism, the death of a grandparent
• Lucky Star – life on a rough estate, how drugs wreck lives
• Angel Cake – money troubles

11. Things That Don’t Help…

So what do you do when things go pear-shaped? Different people react in different ways, but the temptation to lash out and rebel can be strong. Maybe you’re feeling angry, hurt, lost or alone, but tread carefully – the way you handle those feelings can shape your future for good or bad.