When the going gets tough, it’s OK to ask for help.

Hello, Cathy…

My mum has MS, so there are a lot of things she can’t do. My dad left so it’s just the two of us. I have to help out a lot more than any of my friends do. I don’t mind that, but it does get tiring and I don’t have much time for homework. I don’t have much time for a social life, either, and that sucks.

Cazz, age 13

Cathy

My mum has depression and can’t look after me or my sisters very well. I am quite good at cooking the tea and getting the shopping, but not so good at making sure everyone has clean clothes for school. Mum says I can’t tell anyone in case social services take us into care.

Zara, age 11

Cazz has a lot of responsibility for a thirteen-year-old. She is a ‘young carer’ and looks after her mum as well as running the house… this means that her school work and social life are bound to suffer. If you are looking after a relative, you will need some help and support to do it – everyone deserves a break sometimes.

Cazz needs to make sure her school know how things are at home, so they can help her to keep up with her studies. She also needs to build in time for friends and fun… not easy, but those things will really help her to cope the rest of the time. Cazz can contact the Young Carers Association for more support and backup – details are in the Helpbox at the end of this chapter.

Zara’s situation is tougher still. She is very young to be looking after her mum and little sisters, and keeping the problem secret just adds to the pressure and stress. Hiding the truth when things go wrong is rarely the right solution.

There is a chance that social services may become involved if Zara tells an adult what is going on, but they would do this to help, not to break up the family. They could make sure Zara’s mum had the right medication to feel better, find a friend or relative to offer some extra support and ensure Zara and her sisters are coping. Sometimes, having backup from the social services can be a good thing.

Zara cannot be expected to manage all of this alone … and she shouldn’t feel guilty for speaking out and telling a teacher or family friend what’s happening. Sometimes, speaking out is the only way.

Scary Stuff

Cathy

I am sometimes bad and when I am, my mum hits me. Sometimes, it leaves bruises and once my teacher asked me what happened, but I said I fell off the swing at home. I know Mum doesn’t mean to hurt me, but she does.

Bethany, age 10

Cathy…

There is something I wanted to tell you because I think you will understand and maybe be able to tell me what to do. My dad drinks a lot and sometimes it causes big fights and he hits my mum. The worst time was last Christmas, when he broke her arm. Nobody knows – everyone thinks Dad is really nice, but I hate him for what he does.