Karima, age 11

Hi Cathy

My parents broke up when I was little and I live with my mum, my stepdad, my half-sister and my two stepbrothers. My dad lives in the next town with his girlfriend and new baby. I quite like having a big, complicated family. I recently read your book Scarlett and I like the idea of a jigsaw family, or one that fits together like the pieces in a patchwork quilt. I love my family, so who cares if they’re not exactly like everyone else’s?

Clare, age 13

It’s no news to Karima and Clare, but families are very rarely like the pictures in the reading books I read way back when I started school. They are not perfect. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may be single-parent, or stepfamilies, or include grandparents, aunts and uncles. They may not be related to you at all. It doesn’t matter – they are still families, the people who love you, the people who care, your people.

There are all kinds of ways of being a family. The version you have may not be the version you want, but as long as you have love, you’ll be OK.

Helpbox

Read It…

• Bringing Up Your Parents by John Farman (Piccadilly)
• Is Anyone’s Family as Mad as Mine? by Kathryn Lamb (Piccadilly)
• Wise Guides: Divorce and Separation by Matthew Whyman (Hodder)

Websites:

• www.kidshealth.org – sections on divorce, stepfamilies, adoption, fostering and getting on with your family
• www.childline.org.uk – sections on families, stepfamilies and family relationships
• www.itsnotyourfault.org – help and support for children/teens when a family breaks up

Helplines:

• ChildLine – 0800 1111
• Stepfamily Scotland – 0845 122 8655

Cathy’s Books… Published by Puffin

• Shine On, Daizy Star – when your dad plans an adventure that threatens to pull your family apart…
• Dizzy – living with a single dad, getting to know mum again after several years…
• Indigo Blue – coping when a parent is in an abusive relationship
• Driftwood – fostering and adoption
• Scarlett – coping after a family split, stepfamilies
• Sundae Girl – when a parent has problems, living with grandparents, embarrassing families!
• Lucky Star – living with a single mum
• Angel Cake – family under stress

10. Sad Stuff

I wish I could tell you that life will be kind to you. I wish I could protect you from the bad stuff, the sad stuff, but I can’t.

I want you to get out there and live life to the full, making the most of every day, every moment, but that means taking a risk because life is never perfect. You can make it happy, follow your dreams, work hard, have great friends, fall in love and have the best family in the world, but still there are times when life will throw something really tough at you.

Like it or not, it’s going to happen, and when it does it will hurt you, scare you, shock you, make you sad or angry or numb, but you will get through – I promise. And how you handle the hard times can make all the difference…