Making Friends

Dear Cathy

My friends all went to different secondary schools and I’m struggling to make friends. I need help fast!

Tammi, age 11

Cathy

I’m going to be moving to a new high school in the middle of the term, miles away from my old school and friends. I’m dreading it. Everyone will know each other and I know I’ll never fit in…

Sumayya, age 13

To make new friends, you have to be friendly! You have to take a risk, make an effort, try talking to people you may not know very well. Smile, chat, ask questions, give compliments, listen, support… and make it a part of who you are. You’ll soon make new contacts, and slowly, from there, new friendships may develop.

If, like Tammi, you’re struggling, try mixing things up a little. Rather than rely on her classmates, Tammi could look further afield – join lunchtime clubs or after-school groups. She should choose a club or group that interests her – drama, art, sport, athletics, dance, debating, maths, music, whatever. That way, she’ll be meeting people she already has something in common with. Working on something together, whether it’s a play, a concert or a netball match, brings people together and breaks the ice.

Tammi wants some close friends, but true friendship takes time to develop. She needs to be patient… those new friends are out there!

Starting a new school mid-term, like Sumayya, is not easy, but it can be a great way to meet new mates! She may not enjoy being the centre of attention, but her new classmates will be curious and interested, and most will want to make her welcome. Sumayya will have to take a deep breath and make sure she sees the change of school as an opportunity to make new friends, not a disaster that is ruining her life. She may not have chosen this, but it’s happening – and her best option is to accept that and make the most of it.

So, how do you make new mates? For some people it’s easy, for others a nightmare, but one thing’s for sure – if you’re feeling lonely, you need to get out there and make some new connections.

Why do some people collect new mates the way the rest of us collect zits and split ends? Watch those people and you’ll see that they have skills that literally attract others to them!

• They are open, confident and friendly.
• They smile!
• They are kind, supportive and generous.
• They are genuinely interested in others.
• They take time to chat about anything and everything.
• They give and receive compliments easily.
• They remember names and details.
• They are enthusiastic!
• They are upbeat, positive and fun to be around.
• They are interesting… They have things to talk about!
• They are not afraid to make plans… and include others in them.

Maybe those are qualities we could all work on having!