Falling Out

Cathy

I’ve just had a mega fight with my friends, and the worst thing is I know I was at least partly to blame. They’re not speaking to me now and I’m scared I’ve lost them for good!

Maxine, age 13

Dear Cathy

I was upset yesterday over something that happened at home and I took it out on my best friend. I know I’ve really hurt her feelings and I really regret being mean. Now she’s gone off with someone else and everyone is blaming me…

Karina, age 11

We’ve all made mistakes, like Maxine and Karina… the trick is to learn from them. If you’re in the wrong, swallow your pride and apologize. It can take a while for friends to forgive you or learn to trust you again after a split, but if you show how much you regret what happened, most will give you another chance.

I had a big fallout with school friends when I was fourteen, and I was to blame… I’d been jealous of a new girl who joined our group and said some mean things about her behind her back. The group let me know I was out of order… and for a few days I was left to think about what I’d done, alone and friendless.

In the end, too ashamed to face my friends, I wrote a letter of apology explaining just how much I regretted my words. I tried to let them know I’d lashed out from feelings of insecurity rather than just plain malice, and made an effort to put things right with the girl I’d bitched about too. My friends accepted me back into the group, but I was really shaken by the whole experience. It made me think very hard about the way I’d acted.

Did I want to be a mean girl, someone who talked about people behind their backs? No way. People judge you by the way you act and the things you say – they don’t look too hard at whether you’re lashing out because you’re scared, worried, insecure or jealous. Always put yourself in the other person’s shoes and imagine how you’d feel to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing… and if you wouldn’t like it, don’t do it.

Dear Cathy

My best friend can be so embarrassing! She’s not really into fashion or music and she has zero interest in boys – she’s only interested in kittens and Beanie toys. Some of the kids in my year think she’s weird. I just wish she could grow up a bit…

Pippa, age 12

Please help, Cathy!

My best friend is starting to really bug me. I had my hair cut a few weeks ago, and the next weekend she had hers styled exactly like it. Then she bought the same Rocket Dog pumps as me and even the same kind of ruffled skirt I wear for school. Why does she have to copy everything I do?