That’s tough, I know, but self-esteem is not about what other people think of you – it’s about what YOU think. You can’t buy self-esteem (I wish!) or get it from other people. If you only feel good when other people praise you or give you lots of attention, you’re in trouble because no matter how many people you may seek approval from, the one that really matters is YOU.

I really identify with Kira’s letter. At fourteen, I felt pretty much the same. I wasn’t the most confident of teens, but I got by – until one day when I went shopping for a dress for a special party. I found a dress I loved, took it into the changing rooms, put it on and looked in the mirror… and my world fell apart.

The changing room had three walls of mirrors, so I could see myself all the way around rather than just face-on. I could see myself the way others could, and I was horrified. Sounds dramatic, but I was a pretty dramatic fourteen-year-old… and that was how I felt! I just couldn’t believe I really looked like that.

What was wrong? I guess I just didn’t like my profile, which showcased a nose that couldn’t possibly have belonged to me… could it? The person in the mirror just wasn’t ME.

I bought the dress, but I didn’t get over that whole changing-room nightmare for years. I spent a decade avoiding angled mirrors and started wearing an elaborate hairstyle involving ponytails, backcombing and lots of scarves and ribbons to ‘balance’ my nose. I planned on getting a nose job as soon as I could scrape the cash together.

By the time I had a job and an income, though, I’d forgotten all about the nose-job plan. I’d just got used to the way I looked, learnt to like it, even. I was happy in my own skin. I still think I got the wrong nose somehow, but hey, I’ve learnt to live with it!

Learning to love the body we’re in is one of the best favours we can do for ourselves. It may not be perfect, but so what? Work with it. Don’t waste a decade, like I did, hung up on negative thoughts. Don’t punish yourself with crash diets and dreams of plastic surgery – look in the mirror and smile… it’s the first step to making friends.

Step Two…

Making Friends With You!

Look in the mirror and take a good look at that girl you see there… if she was a friend of yours, what would you say to her? What advice would you give her? Listen up, and act on it. Maybe she’d look cool with a new haircut, a sparkly lip gloss or just some concealer to zap those zits… there are lots more tips on making the best of yourself in the next chapter.

Before you leave that mirror, say something nice to the girl looking back at you, show her you think she’s fab. Imagine you’re complimenting a friend – you are, it’s just that the friend is YOU!