Keeping Friends

Hey Cathy

My best buddy has moved away and although I have other friends, it’s just not the same. I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I miss her so much.

Lissi, age 10

Dear Cathy

Last month I moved to Spain with my family. I’m settling in better than I thought, but I’ve noticed that already my old friends don’t write, ring or email as often as they used to. I don’t want them to forget me! What can I do?

Karis, age 12

Being separated from good friends is hard, as Lissi and Karis have discovered. Nobody wants to lose touch, but long-distance friendship can be a challenge.

Both Lissi and Karis need to keep the lines of communication open with texts, emails, messaging, letters and phone calls. Make plans to visit or meet up in the future, so you have something to look forward to and talk about. Websites like Bebo and Piczo are good ways to stay in touch with distant friends, as you can post pictures too!

Lissi is feeling left behind and lonely, but turning back the clock is not an option. She needs to focus on her remaining friends, arranging cool days out, sleepovers and fun times, making an effort to move on and start enjoying life again.

Karis is feeling hurt that her old friends aren’t in touch as regularly as they once were. Again, the way forward is to get more involved in her new life – worrying about her old friends will stop her from moving forward and giving new friendships a fair chance.

Both of my two best friends live hundreds of miles away from me, yet we’ve managed to keep the friendships strong. A good friendship can survive separation, especially if both of you are determined to stay close, but some friendships will fade. Don’t beat yourself up about this. Hang on to the happy memories and move forward – the world is full of friends you haven’t met yet.

Cathy

Please help me. I have just had an argument with my friend – she said that I wasn’t pretty enough to get a boyfriend, and this really upset me. It feels like she’s just trying to hurt me and I don’t know why!

Fiona, age 11

Jealousy isn’t called the green-eyed monster for nothing! Don’t let it mess your friendship up. Fiona’s friend is almost certainly feeling insecure – she’s lashing out at Fiona to make herself feel better. Not a great plan, obviously! Fiona needs to be honest and let her friend know how hurtful this comment was.

It can feel scary to confront a friend when you’re feeling upset, so think out what you want to say first. Stick to talking about how you felt and avoid accusations – that won’t help, and could make things a whole lot worse. Let your friend know you need her support and, hopefully, you can come through this kind of straight-talking chat feeling closer than ever.