Don’t judge by appearances – you could be missing out on a bunch of cool new friends.

Style Matters

Hi Cathy

There’s a girl in my school who wears weird shoes and clothes and listens to bands most people have never heard of. I like some of the music she does, and I really, really admire her for being true to herself! I wish I could be!

Georgi, age 12

Dear Cathy

Our friend has gone all ‘emo’ over the summer holiday. She listens to loud, miserable bands and has dyed her hair black (it was a really nice blondie-brown before). What if she gets really depressed and starts to self-harm or something? How can we help her?

Hollie & Nia, age 11

Cathy

I wish I could be like Joey from Driftwood and really express myself in the clothes I wear. I love putting new looks together from charity shop finds, but I don’t think my friends would approve!

Ella, age 12

Georgi is starting to see that there’s something exciting and empowering about being your own person. The girl she admires doesn’t struggle to fit in with a particular crowd, she just does things her own way. Her clothes and music express who she is, rather than just reflecting the latest trends. She’s a real individual!

For Georgi, that seems wonderful, but out of reach. Perhaps she doesn’t yet know herself well enough to put across this kind of strong image, or maybe she just lacks the confidence? Growing up is a voyage of discovery, and we learn more about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, who we really are, every day. Georgi might like to try to make friends with the girl she admires… they may have a lot more in common than just music!

Hollie and Nia are confused. Their friend has changed, and they don’t understand why or how – they just want things to go back to the way they were. Their friend has found a style that she loves, music that means something to her, even a haircut that feels ‘right’. She has taken control of her life and made some strong style statements, and she is happy with that.

Perhaps she feels that black hair is more ‘her’ than blondie-brown? That listening to emotional music helps her to feel understood, not depressed? That being ‘emo’ is just a part of who she is? The only problem she has is that her friends Hollie and Nia don’t understand this! All that black, all those loud, dramatic bands and the crazy stuff some newspapers have written about emos are all worrying Hollie and Nia.

If they have reason to believe their friend is depressed or self-harming, they should tell a trusted teacher at once. If not, they should calm down and try talking to her, find out more about her style, her music and how she is feeling. If she is down, the chances are it’s because her best friends are treating her as a stranger – she is still the same person underneath!