Janine, age 10

Why are some people targeted and not others? Bullies look for someone they can push around, someone they can get a reaction from. It’s easy to pick on those who stand out from the crowd, those who are different in some way. If you have red hair, glasses, are overweight or small and skinny, have sticky-out ears, are extra clever, struggle with school work, belong to a different race/ culture/religion to the rest of the group… well, you could be singled out. But many people fit those categories and never get picked on at all! Why is that?

The bottom line is, bullies pick on people they get a reaction from, people who seem nervous, shy, weak or unsure of themselves. If you walk along with your shoulders slumped and your eyes on the ground, you’re sending out a powerful message that you’re anxious, awkward, scared. If you walk tall, smile and aren’t afraid to look others in the eye, you send out a message that you’re confident and relaxed. Which type of person is most likely to attract the attention of a bully?

Make sure your body language is relaxed and walk tall – it helps. You may not feel confident, but if you act that way it’s almost as good. Fake it till you make it! There are lots of tips for boosting your confidence in the next chapter too.

Sadly, it’s often quiet, kind, sensitive types like Rosa and Janine who end up being bullied, perhaps because they’re too nice to fight back. They may show their distress easily or even cry, which is the kind of reaction a bully loves. Rosa and Janine need to learn to stand up for themselves, but one thing is for sure – they’ve done nothing wrong, nothing to deserve the bullying.

The bully is the problem – not the victim.

Sticks and Stones

Hi Cathy

Some girls in my class seem to hate me. They treat me as though I’m disgusting and dirty, call me terrible names and try to turn the whole class against me. I’m so unhappy I could die.

Nikki, age 12

Hey Cathy

A gang of kids from the estate where I live are picking on me and my friend. They chase us and try to get money off us, and last week they ripped my blazer and kicked us and pulled our hair. We’re terrified.

Bel, age 11

Which kind of bullying is more serious: the kind of verbal/emotional bullying that’s happening to Nikki, or the physical bullying that Bel and her friend are struggling with?

Often, physical bullying is taken much more seriously than emotional bullying. Bel and her friend have proof of what’s going on – cuts, bruises and torn clothing – to show just how serious things are. Bel and her friend are right to be scared. They need to speak out, tell their parents and contact the police – this kind of bullying cannot be ignored.

How about Nikki? She isn’t actually being hurt… or is she? Maybe it’s just that we can’t see the scars from this kind of bullying because they’re buried deep inside. Verbal and emotional bullying is every bit as serious as physical bullying, and needs to be tackled with just the same kind of urgency. The damage from this kind of treatment is very real. It destroys self-esteem, isolates and sometimes drives victims to suicide.