Negotiate!

Dear Cathy

I want my parents to see that they can trust me and give me a bit more freedom, but every time I try to discuss it, I get really annoyed and end up storming off. They can be so unfair.

Eloise, age 12

Good communication is a skill we all need to learn if we want to succeed in life! If you want to discuss something important, negotiate new rules or say something important, but difficult, it helps to have a plan. Note down what you want to say and what you want to achieve from the chat, and think about how you can make sure you will be listened to. So… how do you negotiate?

• Choose a time when your parent/teacher/ friend is not busy and ask if you can talk to them about something important.
• Don’t storm in with angry accusations or complaints. Quietly state the problem and don’t be drawn into a conflict.
• If the other person has different ideas, listen and try to see their viewpoint.
• Explain calmly how you think things could be improved.
• Start small… any change for the better is progress. If that first change goes well, you can go on from there.
• Don’t get angry, tearful or sulky if you don’t get your own way – it’ll just make you look childish and you’re trying to look mature, trustworthy and respectful. Swallow the disappointment, be on your best behaviour and try again in a few weeks. Good luck!

Talk It Over

Dear Cathy

I don’t know if you remember my last email, but I have decided to take your advice and talk to my form tutor. The trouble is, I’m scared and I can’t seem to do it… any advice?

Leigh, age 11

Dear Cathy

Some very bad stuff has been happening and I know I need to tell someone, but I just don’t know who. What if they don’t believe me?

Kristina, age 12

Confiding in someone isn’t easy. Choose someone sympathetic and approachable, someone you can trust, someone who may be able to help or offer support or even just a shoulder to cry on. Like who?

• a guidance teacher
• any teacher who seems approachable and sympathetic
• a year head
• a school counsellor
• a school nurse
• your family doctor
• your gran, grandad, aunt, uncle, cousin or other family member
• a neighbour
• a friend
• a friend’s mum/dad
• a family friend
• a priest/vicar/rabbi or someone similar
• a social worker
• a mentor
• a youth worker
• a helpline

How do you do it? Wait until they have some free time and ask if you can talk in private. Take a deep breath and tell them what is worrying you, or, if it’s too hard to say it out loud, write it down in a letter. You will almost certainly be believed, but if you are not, go on telling and asking for help until you are taken seriously. Once things are out in the open, it won’t feel so daunting – and you can begin to talk about what might happen next. Sometimes, enlisting some adult help is the only way forward.