Alyssa knows her feelings for Robert Pattinson are a crush, but they are so intense it’s hard for her to accept that. Falling for someone famous is a classic way to explore the highs and lows of attraction. Your crush can’t let you down because he’s safely out of reach… and he’s always going to be perfect in your eyes because you can never really know the ‘real’ him. Besides, your imagination can fill in all the gaps until you’re living in a real fantasy world.

Fantasy is fine, but if Alyssa starts trying to turn the dream into reality she is heading for heartache. When a crush begins to hurt you more than it makes you happy, it’s time to let go, stop feeding the fantasy and step back into the real world again.

Fancying a teacher – or any older man – can be another part of growing up. Again, it’s all about experiencing those feelings in a no-risk way because the person you’re crushing on is way out of reach. Like it or not, what Toni describes is a classic crush… and that’s the way it has to stay. Trying to turn a crush on an older man into reality is a fast track to disaster for everyone concerned. If Toni tried to tell this teacher how she felt, the end result would probably be major embarrassment – bad news.

Once a crush starts to control your life and make you unhappy, you need to get tough and let it go. Pretty soon, you’ll fall for a boy who likes you too, and that’s when things start to get really interesting…

Taking Your Time

Cathy

A boy at school has asked me out. Everyone says he’s lush, but I’m not sure whether I want a boyfriend right now…

Jo, age 11

Hello Cathy

All of my friends have had boyfriends except for me. I feel so left out, and I worry that no boy will ever fancy me. How can I get a boyfriend?

Kerri, age 13

Dating is not a game – or a race. Don’t accept a date unless you really like the boy and feel you are ready for a relationship, or it’ll end in tears. Jo is flattered that a cute boy likes her enough to ask her out, but she also knows she doesn’t feel the same way about him and isn’t ready for a boyfriend yet. If she’s smart, Jo will tell the boy that she likes him a lot as a mate, but isn’t ready to take things further. That lets her off the hook without hurting his feelings.

Jo is right not to be pressured into dating just for the sake of it. Don’t feel you have to have a boyfriend just because your friends do… that’s NOT a good enough reason! It’s way better to wait until you meet someone you really like, who feels the same way. Kind of obvious, really!

Kerri is feeling bad because it seems that everyone else but her has a boyfriend. She’s so keen to start dating she doesn’t much care who she goes out with, and boys can sense that – it’s not exactly flattering! Desperation is never attractive. Kerri needs to slow down. Having a boyfriend is not like having the latest CD or pair of jeans… a boy is a real person, with feelings, not an accessory designed to make you look and feel better.