Like Carrie, Kristi feels that if she stops doing what her friends want after school, she may lose them. At the moment, it’s just that she isn’t that interested in hanging out with a bunch of loud and lairy lads, but also that she can see where things are heading… and that’s not what she wants. If something is wrong for you, it’s wrong, no matter who asks you to do it… both Carrie and Kristi have to step back from the pressure and say no.

Perhaps Carrie’s friend will sulk and go on smoking, or perhaps she’ll give up. Perhaps Kristi’s friends will call her a baby and drift away a little, hanging out more and more with the boys, but perhaps some will agree with Kristi and choose to back off a little. Standing up to peer pressure is a risk because you never know for sure how the other person will react. It’s still a risk you have to take, though, to do the right thing for you.

Carrie and Kristi should read through the chapter on Confidence Tricks so they are feeling strong inside. If they like and respect themselves, they will no longer do things that make them feel uncomfortable. Kids who lack self-esteem and do not feel happy inside often find themselves in trouble, or in difficult or dangerous situations… because they are scared to say ‘no’.

Why is saying ‘no’ so tough? It’s such a little word, but a powerful one. If you let your mates call the shots and sometimes find yourself doing things you’d rather not, practise saying ‘no’ a little more often. A true friend will respect you for that.

Role Models

Cathy

I get so depressed sometimes when I compare myself to my mates, or, worse, to the models in my sister’s fashion mags. How can I stop feeling this way?

Ruby, age 12

Dear Cathy

I wish I could be pretty, confident and talented like my cousin Megan. She is at uni and she has, like, the perfect life! I try to be like her, but inside I’m a mess!

Jenna, age 13

Ruby and Jenna need to stop comparing themselves with others. It’s easy to look at others and imagine that they’re confident and sussed, but maybe they have doubts and worries too. If they are genuinely confident, try learning from them. Confident people are positive, upbeat and look on the bright side. They don’t put themselves – or others – down. They have a ‘can-do’ attitude and a real enthusiasm for life. Don’t envy them, try acting like them!

Comparing yourself to fashion mag models is especially bad news. Ruby needs to remember that fashion mag shots are often airbrushed to get rid of blotchy skin and extra pounds – and that’s after the models have had a professional make-up job. They may look good, but that’s their job, remember! For some fashion models, the pressures to be thin are so great that they become borderline anorexic. Good role models? No way!