Once, I was unable to go to the funeral of a very special cousin. I bought white roses and wrote a letter to her, telling her how much she meant to me. Then I walked down across the fields to the river, where I sat quietly and thought about the happy times we had shared. I tore the letter into little pieces and threw it into the river, and threw the roses in one by one and watched as the current carried them away.

Nita might choose a different way to say goodbye, but if it means something to her, it will be the right way.

Funerals are not as scary as you think they will be, but if you truly don’t want to go, then don’t. Do make sure you find your own way to say goodbye to the person you loved, though… it helps, I promise.

When Someone is Ill

Dear Cathy

My dad has just had a mini heart attack and has been told he needs a bypass operation. I’m so scared because my granddad died of a heart attack and now it feels like it’s happening all over again.

Jodie, age 11

Cathy

My mum has just been diagnosed with cancer. I am so frightened I can’t think about anything else… why is this happening to us?

Lizbeth, age 12

It can feel very scary and shocking when someone in your family is seriously ill. Jodie is understandably worried about her dad, and knowing that her grandad died of heart disease doesn’t help. In fact, Jodie’s dad’s mini heart attack is an early warning signal that he needs to look after his health. By having the heart bypass operation and making changes to the way he eats and exercises, he may find there is a very positive future ahead.

When something goes wrong, it doesn’t have to be a disaster – for Jodie’s dad, it may be a chance to change while there is still time. Jodie and her family have all had a shock, but knowing there is a problem means you can work with it and do everything possible to live a long and healthy life.

Lizbeth’s letter takes me right back to when I was twelve. My mum too had cancer, and I remember the fear and anxiety this created for all of us. Even the word alone is frightening. It’s easy to imagine the worst, but most illnesses can be treated. My mum was ill for a long time, but she beat her cancer and those years now seem like a dark and distant memory.

For Lizbeth, finding the facts about her mum’s illness will help her to face the tough times ahead. Talking about what is happening and working on simple, practical ways to help each other through will also enable Lizbeth to cope. Neither Lizbeth nor Jodie are alone. They should speak out and let their teachers know what is going on at home so they get the support and backup they need at school, and make sure that their friends are aware of how stressy things are for them right now.