Fern’s dilemma is even more clear-cut. She has strong views on racism – hearing racist comments makes her skin crawl. Most of us would feel exactly the same way, but how do you tell a friend they are seriously out of order? It’s not easy.

When you bite back your feelings to keep the peace, it feels bad. Fern needs to tell her friend how much the racism upsets her and why it is unacceptable. Sometimes, we hear something shocking and let it go because we can’t quite believe we really heard it – we don’t want to believe a friend could think such a thing. The problem with that is, it passes on a message that prejudice and racism is OK, and that’s not the case – ever.

Fern may not want to be the one to stand up and speak out about this, but unless she faces the comments head-on and tells her friend just what she thinks, she’ll go on feeling bad inside. Hopefully, if she speaks out, her friends will also find the courage to say what they think, and the racist comments will stop. Fern’s friend may question her own attitudes, and change the way she thinks… but if not, then at least she’ll know how ugly and ignorant her comments seem to others.

Sometimes, you just have to stand up and be counted. This takes courage, of course, but it feels a whole lot better than staying silent! If you have strong feelings, don’t keep them to yourself – they are a part of you, so don’t be ashamed of your opinions and passions. And if you see injustice or intolerance, speak out against it… someone has to.

Peer Pressure

Help, Cathy!

My friend has started smoking and is trying to get me to try it too. I really don’t want to, but I don’t want to lose her.

Carrie, age 13

Cathy

My friends have got into a habit of hanging out in the park after school with some boys from the year above us. So far I’ve gone along with it, but it can get very flirty and rowdy and once one of the boys had some cider too. I feel really out of my depth.

Kristi, age 13

When your friends try to get you to join in with something you really don’t want to, that’s peer pressure. It’s hard to resist because you want to please your friends, yet it feels uncomfortable too, because whatever they are suggesting just isn’t right for you. You can feel it. You know it. Yet saying no… well, it’s hard.

Carrie doesn’t want to start smoking. She knows the habit is expensive, addictive, uncool and seriously bad for her health and looks. But still, she doesn’t want to lose her friend. The irony is that Carrie’s friend may have exactly the same reasons for wanting her to start smoking too… she feels a bit scared and out of her depth with the habit, and knows that if she can draw Carrie in as well she’ll feel safer, more secure. Double the reason, really, for saying no!