Anyone who stands out from the crowd and lacks confidence can be a target for bullies, but I was lucky – because I towered over the bullies as well, they never pushed me too far. That’s one of the interesting points about bullies… they tend to pick on those smaller and weaker than themselves.

It could have been me, though, and maybe that’s why I have an empathy with anyone who has been picked on. As an adult, I taught art in both secondary and primary schools, and saw many examples of bullying along the way. In my twelve years as agony aunt for Shout mag, I heard yet more stories of how bullying could wreck lives and destroy confidence, and even now the letters and emails continue to pour in from readers who are trying hard to break free from the bullies.

Cathy

The boys in my class are always calling me names like Speccy and Four Eyes, just because I wear glasses. It really annoys me, but my mum tells me to just ignore it. How can I?

Millie, age 10

Hi Cathy

I’ve got my own style of dressing and some of the girls in my year call me ‘emo’ or ‘goth-girl’, which really bugs me. How can I get them to leave me alone?

Lois, age 14

Millie and Lois are being teased rather than bullied, but they’re not handling the teasing too well. If you allow yourself to get wound up by comments like this, they can easily cross the line from teasing into bullying. How do you stop that from happening? As Millie’s mum suggests, you stop reacting.

It sounds simple, but blanking this kind of name-calling really can work. People like to get a reaction when they tease – a blush, a frown, an angry reply. If you don’t react at all, or just smile quietly as if the name doesn’t bother you, the jokers are likely to give up after a while and find new victims who are easier to wind up. Give it a go – imagine an invisible wall around you, protecting you from the nasty names. Act like you don’t care and gradually you may find you actually do care less.

If ignoring the comments is not an option, try laughing along with the jokers to take the sting out of their words. Those who tease others are often used to being teased themselves at home, and may not even realize they’re hurting you. Show them that they don’t bother you, or laugh off the comment – it’s no big deal unless you allow it to be.

Please help, Cathy!

One of the girls in my class keeps calling me fat and ugly and says I might smash the mirror when I go to the loos. I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong – why is she picking on me?

Rosa, age 11

Cathy

I am like ginger in your book gingerSnaps… I get bullied because I have red hair. The thing that really gets to me is that a couple of other kids in the class have red hair too, and nobody says anything to them. How come?