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Chapters (83)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
  4. PART ONE
  5. 1 SLASHED RUBBER
  6. 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
  7. 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
  8. 4 SOFIA SILVER
  9. 5 DEL TACO
  10. 6 RAINBOW ROAD
  11. 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
  12. 8 CHEESY BALLS
  13. 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
  14. 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
  15. 11 GOON SQUAD
  16. 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
  17. PART TWO
  18. 13 SNor
  19. 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
  20. 15 BEEF AND COKE
  21. 16 CHEF CHANNING
  22. 17 MAD BOMBER
  23. 18 BLOODSHOT
  24. 19 MANSPLAINING
  25. 20 NAPALM DROPS
  26. 21 BETSY & MEL
  27. 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
  28. 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
  29. 24 HOT OR NOT
  30. 25 JUICE JET
  31. 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
  32. 27 SEXY TOAST
  33. 28 COLGATE CHEST
  34. 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
  35. 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
  36. 31 D IN MATH
  37. 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
  38. 33 EARLY BIRD
  39. 34 PATIENT Q
  40. 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
  41. 36 SAMURAI COP II
  42. 37 DIRTY SHAKE
  43. PART THREE
  44. 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
  45. 39 BREAKING BAD
  46. 40 LOVE SHACK
  47. 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
  48. 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
  49. 43 KILLER-T
  50. 44 SPOILED BRATS
  51. 45 BACK TAXIS
  52. 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
  53. 47 TEAM MANGO
  54. 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
  55. 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
  56. 50 HAVING WORDS
  57. 51 BOUNCING BOYS
  58. 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
  59. 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
  60. 54 IGNITION
  61. 55 BUST
  62. PART FOUR
  63. 56 DEAD BUGS
  64. 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
  65. 58 PEER PRESSURE
  66. 59 GREEN FINGERS
  67. 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
  68. 61 WHIPPED CREAM
  69. 62 LIVING HIGH
  70. 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
  71. 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
  72. 65 BUBBLEGUM
  73. 66 BIG ONION
  74. 67 FAMILY REUNION
  75. 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
  76. PART FIVE
  77. 69 STONE DEAD
  78. 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
  79. 71 THE ACCOUNTS
  80. 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
  81. 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
  82. PART SIX
  83. 74 HARRY II

The restrictions were a pain, but a thousand times better than getting sent back to White Boulder. Charlie’s face was alight as she walked out, pulling her phone to call Harry. She’d hoped she might catch him before the end of his lunch break, but had to settle for voicemail.

29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS

The buzzer had gone for Queensbridge Academy’s first afternoon lesson, but Harry was desperate to return a call. The school’s darkroom hadn’t been used in years and he glanced over his shoulder before unlocking the door.

The windowless space had a lingering smell of photographic chemicals. He flipped a switch, illuminating three deep-red bulbs, relocked the door from inside and propped his ass against a steel sink with a dripping faucet.

His phone’s screen made more light than the bulbs. Harry made sure his call-recording app was enabled, dialled the number of a missed call and waited several rings before a man answered.

‘Who’s there?’

‘Is that Earl? This is Harry Smirnov from Vegas Local. I’m returning the messages you left, about a possible story.’

‘I’m Earl,’ he said, halfway between confused and scared. ‘Sorry about the other phone. I started getting weird calls and had to ditch it. What’s your beef with the Janssens, Harry?’

‘I don’t have a beef,’ Harry lied.

‘But I’ve read that you don’t take their advertisements.’

Harry didn’t want to go into personal stuff about Charlie and getting his nuts wrung, so he waffled. ‘Vegas Local depends on a strong relationship with the community. We select our advertising partners carefully and Janssen Corp put a lot of noses out of joint.’

‘You mean they’re a bunch a dirty crooks,’ Earl croaked, then broke into a rasping laugh.

Harry smiled. ‘I couldn’t say that, sir. Especially online, cos the Janssens can afford to sue my ass.’

‘The local TV stations swim in Janssen dollars,’ the old guy said, a touch suspicious. ‘I admire your decency, but how old are you, boy?’

‘Twenty,’ Harry said.

‘You’re all so young these days,’ Earl snorted. ‘Drop out of college and a billionaire by twenty-five, eh?’

‘I live in hope.’

‘Got quite an accent there, son. You Australian?’

Harry avoided answering. ‘I’m under a lot of time pressure,’ he said – not admitting that the pressure was fourth-period chemistry. ‘I understand you have a story.’

‘If you’ve got balls big enough to run it.’

‘OK,’ Harry said, preferring not to think too much about balls.

‘You know about SNor?’

Harry laughed. ‘Hard to miss.’

‘What about HHD, the Hotel Hygiene Directive?’ Earl asked.

‘Nope.’