Chapters (83)
- Cover
- Title Page
- ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
- PART ONE
- 1 SLASHED RUBBER
- 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
- 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
- 4 SOFIA SILVER
- 5 DEL TACO
- 6 RAINBOW ROAD
- 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
- 8 CHEESY BALLS
- 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
- 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
- 11 GOON SQUAD
- 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
- PART TWO
- 13 SNor
- 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
- 15 BEEF AND COKE
- 16 CHEF CHANNING
- 17 MAD BOMBER
- 18 BLOODSHOT
- 19 MANSPLAINING
- 20 NAPALM DROPS
- 21 BETSY & MEL
- 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
- 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
- 24 HOT OR NOT
- 25 JUICE JET
- 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
- 27 SEXY TOAST
- 28 COLGATE CHEST
- 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
- 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
- 31 D IN MATH
- 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
- 33 EARLY BIRD
- 34 PATIENT Q
- 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
- 36 SAMURAI COP II
- 37 DIRTY SHAKE
- PART THREE
- 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
- 39 BREAKING BAD
- 40 LOVE SHACK
- 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
- 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
- 43 KILLER-T
- 44 SPOILED BRATS
- 45 BACK TAXIS
- 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
- 47 TEAM MANGO
- 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
- 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
- 50 HAVING WORDS
- 51 BOUNCING BOYS
- 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
- 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
- 54 IGNITION
- 55 BUST
- PART FOUR
- 56 DEAD BUGS
- 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
- 58 PEER PRESSURE
- 59 GREEN FINGERS
- 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
- 61 WHIPPED CREAM
- 62 LIVING HIGH
- 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
- 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
- 65 BUBBLEGUM
- 66 BIG ONION
- 67 FAMILY REUNION
- 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
- PART FIVE
- 69 STONE DEAD
- 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
- 71 THE ACCOUNTS
- 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
- 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
- PART SIX
- 74 HARRY II
‘That would be so great,’ Charlie said. ‘My lawyer said it’s much better to wait a few weeks before filing paperwork. Adoption is tricky, but if a kid is settled and happy, and nobody else wants him, there’s virtually zero chance they’ll take him away.’
Rosie started slicing the cake and Harry felt like he belonged as he surveyed the scene. Vern cross-legged, Ed scoffing cake like a typical hungry teenager, Patrick insisting on dunking his cake in a glass of milk and making everyone laugh when he inevitably dropped a big bit in it. And Charlie, standing bare-legged by the fridge, making a pot of tea. Sweaty and tired from a shift in the lab, but still the most beautiful thing Harry had ever seen.
66 BIG ONION
Harry opened one eye and saw a bauble of snot on Patrick’s top lip. They’d put Patrick to bed in the spare room, but if he woke up he’d lift the bottom of Harry and Charlie’s covers and wriggle into the space between them.
Mickey Mouse said it was a quarter past four as Harry rolled on to one side and realised he’d been disturbed by a clank from the air-conditioner. The unit that cooled the upper floor was decrepit and the banging suggested that the outside fan had come loose from its cracked bearing for the second time in a month.
A replacement bearing was on order, but getting spare parts for an elderly Chinese-made air-conditioner was tricky. Vern said it could cause major damage if the fan blades shattered, so Harry decided it couldn’t wait until morning.
When Harry sat up, he felt the ball of muck that had built up on his chest while he’d been sleeping. To avoid waking Patrick and Charlie, he held his breath as he grabbed his jeans off the floor, bolted downstairs and ripped into a coughing fit over the kitchen sink.
It took a couple of minutes to hack out a build-up of blood and phlegm. As the fit died down, Harry filled a glass with iced water and caught his breath, propped against the dining table. He thought about the conversation with Dr Harkom, and the situation with medical bills.
Maybe it’s best if I go back to the UK to get these lungs fixed … But my US residency expired when Kirsten went home to look after Granddad. Charlie can’t come with me because of Ed and Patrick, but I won’t be able to return to the USA, unless Charlie marries me first …
Keeping busy was the best way to stop coughing and troubled thoughts, so Harry threw the rest of his water down the sink, grabbed a ladder and toolbox out of the garage and spoke into the walkie-talkie the private security company had given him.
‘This is Harry to the guard on duty, do you copy?’