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Chapters (83)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
  4. PART ONE
  5. 1 SLASHED RUBBER
  6. 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
  7. 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
  8. 4 SOFIA SILVER
  9. 5 DEL TACO
  10. 6 RAINBOW ROAD
  11. 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
  12. 8 CHEESY BALLS
  13. 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
  14. 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
  15. 11 GOON SQUAD
  16. 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
  17. PART TWO
  18. 13 SNor
  19. 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
  20. 15 BEEF AND COKE
  21. 16 CHEF CHANNING
  22. 17 MAD BOMBER
  23. 18 BLOODSHOT
  24. 19 MANSPLAINING
  25. 20 NAPALM DROPS
  26. 21 BETSY & MEL
  27. 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
  28. 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
  29. 24 HOT OR NOT
  30. 25 JUICE JET
  31. 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
  32. 27 SEXY TOAST
  33. 28 COLGATE CHEST
  34. 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
  35. 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
  36. 31 D IN MATH
  37. 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
  38. 33 EARLY BIRD
  39. 34 PATIENT Q
  40. 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
  41. 36 SAMURAI COP II
  42. 37 DIRTY SHAKE
  43. PART THREE
  44. 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
  45. 39 BREAKING BAD
  46. 40 LOVE SHACK
  47. 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
  48. 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
  49. 43 KILLER-T
  50. 44 SPOILED BRATS
  51. 45 BACK TAXIS
  52. 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
  53. 47 TEAM MANGO
  54. 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
  55. 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
  56. 50 HAVING WORDS
  57. 51 BOUNCING BOYS
  58. 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
  59. 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
  60. 54 IGNITION
  61. 55 BUST
  62. PART FOUR
  63. 56 DEAD BUGS
  64. 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
  65. 58 PEER PRESSURE
  66. 59 GREEN FINGERS
  67. 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
  68. 61 WHIPPED CREAM
  69. 62 LIVING HIGH
  70. 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
  71. 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
  72. 65 BUBBLEGUM
  73. 66 BIG ONION
  74. 67 FAMILY REUNION
  75. 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
  76. PART FIVE
  77. 69 STONE DEAD
  78. 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
  79. 71 THE ACCOUNTS
  80. 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
  81. 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
  82. PART SIX
  83. 74 HARRY II

Rosie didn’t like driving unlit desert roads after dark and, while Harry offered to take her to the hospital, they decided it was best to stick together until morning. Rather than spend the night alone, Rosie stayed in Charlie and Harry’s spare bedroom.

Charlie sat by Ed’s bedside until he fell asleep. Harry was frazzled and crashed straight away, but Charlie wasn’t so lucky, staring at the ceiling, wide eyed and hearing everything at once: a police drone buzzing the house, the air-con, Harry’s rattling chest and the tick of the vintage Mickey Mouse alarm clock he’d bought for her nineteenth birthday.

Money was Charlie’s big worry. Many businesses had gone bust after Killer-T. The ones that survived had cut back on advertising, so Harry only earned a fraction of what he used to from Vegas Local. Modding work paid well, but the risks of a long prison sentence or a shakedown were real.

They’d been doing OK the past few months, but Charlie had promised money to Juno, their cars were on their last legs, there were medical bills, expensive jobs that needed doing on the house and now they’d agreed to pay for private security patrols in case the zombies came back.

Charlie and Harry had made a plan: become self-sufficient in food and energy, build a healthy financial nest egg, then quit the risky modding business. But that dream seemed further off than ever.

64 CARDBOARD THE PIG

‘Boys and their toys,’ Rosie smiled.

It was just after 8 a.m. She was behind the wheel of Vern’s big Jeep as Charlie climbed in the passenger seat. Harry, Ed and a few neighbours from up the hill stood on a patch of relatively flat land inspecting a pair of security drones, and testing out the walkie-talkies they’d been given by just-arrived security guards, with a thuggish air and machine guns slung across their chests.

‘I hope these creepy guards aren’t around for too long,’ Charlie said, buckling her safety belt as Rosie drove off.

‘They can’t be,’ Rosie said. ‘Unless they start accepting payment in green beans and milk.’

Down by the gate, the cops were loading their drones on to a trailer. As the Jeep reached the highway, they saw a phone-company crew repairing the cables, and Rosie lowered her window and introduced herself to a third security guard, who had waves of curly red hair coming out the back of her combat helmet.

Vern had spent the night at Clover Medical Center in North Vegas. The hospital operated permanent quarantine and only allowed one visitor for short-stay patients. While Rosie took a chemical shower and garbed up like an astronaut, Charlie told her to give Vern her love and grabbed a taxi off the hospital rank.

The coffee shop below Charlie’s office was super busy, with most tables in use and a dozen cars queuing at the drive-thru window.