Chapters (83)
- Cover
- Title Page
- ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
- PART ONE
- 1 SLASHED RUBBER
- 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
- 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
- 4 SOFIA SILVER
- 5 DEL TACO
- 6 RAINBOW ROAD
- 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
- 8 CHEESY BALLS
- 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
- 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
- 11 GOON SQUAD
- 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
- PART TWO
- 13 SNor
- 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
- 15 BEEF AND COKE
- 16 CHEF CHANNING
- 17 MAD BOMBER
- 18 BLOODSHOT
- 19 MANSPLAINING
- 20 NAPALM DROPS
- 21 BETSY & MEL
- 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
- 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
- 24 HOT OR NOT
- 25 JUICE JET
- 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
- 27 SEXY TOAST
- 28 COLGATE CHEST
- 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
- 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
- 31 D IN MATH
- 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
- 33 EARLY BIRD
- 34 PATIENT Q
- 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
- 36 SAMURAI COP II
- 37 DIRTY SHAKE
- PART THREE
- 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
- 39 BREAKING BAD
- 40 LOVE SHACK
- 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
- 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
- 43 KILLER-T
- 44 SPOILED BRATS
- 45 BACK TAXIS
- 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
- 47 TEAM MANGO
- 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
- 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
- 50 HAVING WORDS
- 51 BOUNCING BOYS
- 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
- 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
- 54 IGNITION
- 55 BUST
- PART FOUR
- 56 DEAD BUGS
- 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
- 58 PEER PRESSURE
- 59 GREEN FINGERS
- 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
- 61 WHIPPED CREAM
- 62 LIVING HIGH
- 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
- 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
- 65 BUBBLEGUM
- 66 BIG ONION
- 67 FAMILY REUNION
- 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
- PART FIVE
- 69 STONE DEAD
- 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
- 71 THE ACCOUNTS
- 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
- 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
- PART SIX
- 74 HARRY II
‘Or what?’ Man Bun shouted back, laughing as he opened his arms wide, to a space filled with men in full body armour.
Harry figured Charlie would suffer less if he gave Man Bun a reason to turn on him. He thrust upwards with a screwdriver, jamming it deep into Man Bun’s thigh.
‘Christ,’ Man Bun screamed, staggering backwards into the dining table. ‘Why wasn’t he searched?’
Charlie screamed as a superhero yanked Harry effortlessly off the floor and banged him down on the kitchen table.
‘I’ve got bad news for you, kid,’ Man Bun announced, flipping Harry on to his back. ‘A modding lab and a girl who knows how to use it are worth a lot of money. But you’re not worth shit.’
‘Leave him alone,’ Charlie squealed, writhing as two men bound her wrists to her ankles to make a hog-tie.
Man Bun eyed a sack of home-grown onions and grabbed a muddy one, still attached to its green stalk.
‘Nice veg, Harry,’ Man Bun said, pulling the screwdriver out of his bloody leg as he turned to the superhero. ‘Crack a few ribs for me, Hector.’
‘Nooo,’ Charlie screamed, as Hector’s huge fist shook the table and made Harry bawl. ‘Leave him alone. He’s got lung problems.’
‘He certainly has now,’ Man Bun said, booming with laughter as he forced the onion into Harry’s mouth.
It was bigger than Harry’s mouth and there was an agonising snap as his jaw dislocated.
‘Don’t!’ Charlie was screaming. ‘Leave Harry alone. You’re killing him. I can tell you where I’ve got money. Ten million at least.’
‘Think I need this loser to make you tell me where your money is?’ Man Bun laughed.
The muddy onion forced Harry’s tongue to the back of his throat. His nose was clogged with blood, the smashed ribs were excruciating and the jaw was the most pain he’d ever felt. Charlie’s screams were like a drill in his brain.
‘Please, please. I love you, Harry. I love you so much.’
I love you more, Charlie. I wish I could tell you that.
But where did all the pain go?
Where did the light go?
I’m above it all. I can see the superhero and Man Bun’s bloody leg and Ed getting knocked down as he tries to wrestle his way into the room to save me.
And now it’s all white and I’m tiny. And Mum is here. How cool is that? With her Ray-Bans and a camera swinging round her neck. Lifting me out of my crib and holding me up to blow a raspberry on my belly.
Is that my oldest memory?
So this is death, I guess.
67 FAMILY REUNION
Charlie was tied and gagged in the trunk of Vern’s Jeep as the wooden house exploded.