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Chapters (83)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
  4. PART ONE
  5. 1 SLASHED RUBBER
  6. 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
  7. 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
  8. 4 SOFIA SILVER
  9. 5 DEL TACO
  10. 6 RAINBOW ROAD
  11. 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
  12. 8 CHEESY BALLS
  13. 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
  14. 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
  15. 11 GOON SQUAD
  16. 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
  17. PART TWO
  18. 13 SNor
  19. 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
  20. 15 BEEF AND COKE
  21. 16 CHEF CHANNING
  22. 17 MAD BOMBER
  23. 18 BLOODSHOT
  24. 19 MANSPLAINING
  25. 20 NAPALM DROPS
  26. 21 BETSY & MEL
  27. 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
  28. 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
  29. 24 HOT OR NOT
  30. 25 JUICE JET
  31. 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
  32. 27 SEXY TOAST
  33. 28 COLGATE CHEST
  34. 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
  35. 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
  36. 31 D IN MATH
  37. 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
  38. 33 EARLY BIRD
  39. 34 PATIENT Q
  40. 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
  41. 36 SAMURAI COP II
  42. 37 DIRTY SHAKE
  43. PART THREE
  44. 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
  45. 39 BREAKING BAD
  46. 40 LOVE SHACK
  47. 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
  48. 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
  49. 43 KILLER-T
  50. 44 SPOILED BRATS
  51. 45 BACK TAXIS
  52. 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
  53. 47 TEAM MANGO
  54. 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
  55. 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
  56. 50 HAVING WORDS
  57. 51 BOUNCING BOYS
  58. 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
  59. 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
  60. 54 IGNITION
  61. 55 BUST
  62. PART FOUR
  63. 56 DEAD BUGS
  64. 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
  65. 58 PEER PRESSURE
  66. 59 GREEN FINGERS
  67. 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
  68. 61 WHIPPED CREAM
  69. 62 LIVING HIGH
  70. 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
  71. 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
  72. 65 BUBBLEGUM
  73. 66 BIG ONION
  74. 67 FAMILY REUNION
  75. 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
  76. PART FIVE
  77. 69 STONE DEAD
  78. 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
  79. 71 THE ACCOUNTS
  80. 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
  81. 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
  82. PART SIX
  83. 74 HARRY II

‘President West has urged people to stay calm and prepare for a possible quarantine order after it was confirmed that LHV has been diagnosed in three patients in the San Francisco area. Two have been confirmed as a pilot and co-pilot who flew a private jet from London hours before transatlantic flights were halted. The four passengers on the flight, which include the tennis player Lee Rosenwein and his wife, have been placed in quarantine, but authorities in Winnipeg are still trying to track down two cleaning staff who boarded the plane during a refuelling stop.

‘In other news, the death toll in the United Kingdom is said to be over twenty thousand, with the National Health Service on the brink of collapse. The British parliament held its first ever session under quarantine protocol yesterday, with Prime Minister Lawrence taking questions over a video-conferencing system. Leader of the opposition New Labour Group made an unexpected call to pay the $1.5-billion-dollar ransom, and then “hunt the culprits without mercy to the ends of the earth”.

‘Meanwhile, a team of virologists at Britain’s Defence Research Authority, DefRA, have announced that LHV appears not to be related to the Ebola virus, as had been previously thought. Although the symptoms of massive internal bleeding and rapid physical collapse are similar to Ebola, scientists now say the virus is either completely synthetic, or derived from an as-yet-unidentified animal virus adapted to infect humans.

‘The group’s initial finding is that the virus appears to work by taking control of so-called Killer-T cells that produce antibodies. This effectively turns the human immune system into a massive virus factory and leaves the body with no means of defence. Although global governments have poured over one hundred billion dollars into anti-viral research since the SNor outbreak, even the most optimistic scientists say trial vaccines will take months to develop from scratch …’

Charlie felt grumpy as her car reached the Care4Kids lot. It seemed deeply unfair, having some bunch of nuts in a lab on the other side of the world, determining whether she got to fall in love, get a doctorate, have a family and grow old, or die coughing up blood in two weeks’ time.

‘Down in the dumps today, Charlie,’ Joyce the Jamaican nurse said as Charlie scrubbed her hands in reception.

‘It crossed the Atlantic,’ Charlie said.

Joyce put her palms together. ‘May our Lord protect us,’ she said as Charlie donned blackout goggles. She stepped into a plastic cubicle, spreading fingers and raising her arms over her head as Joyce activated the dazzling bluish light of a UV sterilisation booth.

Charlie’s phone and the contents of a small bag rolled through a more powerful steriliser before Joyce opened the electric gate to let Charlie inside. The first time Charlie had visited Care4Kids, she’d been reduced to tears by the yelling and droning, and a whiff of urine and disinfectant that lingered after you left.