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Chapters (83)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. ALSO BY ROBERT MUCHAMORE
  4. PART ONE
  5. 1 SLASHED RUBBER
  6. 2 NOT HARRY POTTER
  7. 3 A THOUSAND BUCKS
  8. 4 SOFIA SILVER
  9. 5 DEL TACO
  10. 6 RAINBOW ROAD
  11. 7 BEAUTIFUL FREAK
  12. 8 CHEESY BALLS
  13. 9 DAZED AND CONFUSED
  14. 10 NEW-BABY SMELL
  15. 11 GOON SQUAD
  16. 12 ONE-LEGGED GRANNIES
  17. PART TWO
  18. 13 SNor
  19. 14 GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE
  20. 15 BEEF AND COKE
  21. 16 CHEF CHANNING
  22. 17 MAD BOMBER
  23. 18 BLOODSHOT
  24. 19 MANSPLAINING
  25. 20 NAPALM DROPS
  26. 21 BETSY & MEL
  27. 22 TERRIBLE TRIO
  28. 23 VICE PRINCIPAL
  29. 24 HOT OR NOT
  30. 25 JUICE JET
  31. 26 LANA’S TINY FEET
  32. 27 SEXY TOAST
  33. 28 COLGATE CHEST
  34. 29 TEACHERS ARE DICKS
  35. 30 DEVELOPMENT KITCHEN B
  36. 31 D IN MATH
  37. 32 BLOODY LOVE SCIENCE
  38. 33 EARLY BIRD
  39. 34 PATIENT Q
  40. 35 ALL A BIT CRUMMY
  41. 36 SAMURAI COP II
  42. 37 DIRTY SHAKE
  43. PART THREE
  44. 38 FREE FLOOR MATS
  45. 39 BREAKING BAD
  46. 40 LOVE SHACK
  47. 41 INDUSTRIAL RELATIONS
  48. 42 ONE-ONE-SEVEN
  49. 43 KILLER-T
  50. 44 SPOILED BRATS
  51. 45 BACK TAXIS
  52. 46 DEAD BIRTHDAY
  53. 47 TEAM MANGO
  54. 48 TWELVE-PIECE BUCKET
  55. 49 CLYDE’S DONGFENG
  56. 50 HAVING WORDS
  57. 51 BOUNCING BOYS
  58. 52 ZOMBIE SMASH
  59. 53 OLIVE PALM DRIVE
  60. 54 IGNITION
  61. 55 BUST
  62. PART FOUR
  63. 56 DEAD BUGS
  64. 57 ONE-POINT-SIX BILLION
  65. 58 PEER PRESSURE
  66. 59 GREEN FINGERS
  67. 60 TERATOMA TUMORS
  68. 61 WHIPPED CREAM
  69. 62 LIVING HIGH
  70. 63 MONEY, MONEY, MONEY
  71. 64 CARDBOARD THE PIG
  72. 65 BUBBLEGUM
  73. 66 BIG ONION
  74. 67 FAMILY REUNION
  75. 68 UNSEEN POTENTIAL
  76. PART FIVE
  77. 69 STONE DEAD
  78. 70 NO MODS ALLOWED
  79. 71 THE ACCOUNTS
  80. 72 SISTER MIRACULOUS
  81. 73 SLEIGHT OF HAND
  82. PART SIX
  83. 74 HARRY II

They were sharing the elevator with two Queensbridge girls, who both wore Ralph Lauren polos and short skirts over their swimming costumes. A girl with huge teeth gave Harry a smile.

‘Who’s your friend, Harry Potter?’ she asked.

Matt didn’t seem eager as the girl began flirting with him. The elevator doors opened to a wave of party noise and a tower of champagne glasses. As Harry grabbed a glass of bubbly, a pool attendant stepped up and apparently knew who he was.

‘Your cabana is prepared, Mr Smirnov.’

Matt gawped as the pool attendant led them past ordinary partygoers fighting for space on plastic loungers to a swanky poolside cabana.

‘Big shot,’ Matt teased as Harry smirked. ‘I’ll never hear the end of this, will I?’

Harry barely knew Axl Darmon, but Axl’s dad’s energy business advertised on Vegas Local, and everyone in town knew Harry and his aunt were friendly with Kent Clark, whose casinos and hotels used more solar panels than anyone else in town.

The cabana’s interior had six chairs round a circular table, a full bar and a bed behind sliding doors at the back. Outside, Harry had eight poolside loungers with cards saying Reserved for Guests of Mr Smirnov on the neatly rolled towels, while nozzles overhead countered smouldering heat with a mist of water.

‘This is the bees,’ Matt said.

By the time Harry gave the pool attendant a ten-dollar tip for an overlong demonstration of a tablet for ordering free food and cocktails, several girls hovered in the shallow water by the cabana’s steps.

For Harry, the greatest prize was Lupita Diaz, dripping in a black bikini. A few years earlier, princesses like Esme Diaz had been an impossible dream; now her equally beautiful kid sister was practically begging for attention.

‘Step up,’ Harry told Lupita before offering her a cocktail.

Matt invited more beautiful girls up the steps as Harry finished his champagne, drank a Long Island Iced Tea and flirted with Lupita on a double-width lounger.

The next cabana was packed with beefy dudes being loud and annoying, and there seemed to be a Roman orgy taking place behind the cloth flaps. Harry was startled when one of them crossed to his side and offered a vast hand.

‘JJ, wow!’ Harry said, forcing a smile, even though the Janssen family stirred unsettling memories. ‘NFL big shot now! I saw a mock draft predicting that you’ll get picked by the Lions.’

‘I hate Detroit,’ JJ said. ‘The Texans would be nice. My offensive coordinator from Midland took a coaching job there. But don’t put that on Vegas Local.’

‘No fear,’ Harry said as Lupita smiled and bumped JJ’s fist.