I knew.

I waited a beat before I asked, ‘What do you suppose it is, Ben?’ This was the most he had ever opened up and right then it felt right, like I wanted to know. Then maybe at some point I could tell Ben everything.

‘I dunno, I’m sure it’s to do with my dad. Like with him not being around and her never telling me anything about him.’

I looked at Ben whilst he continued.

‘That night I found the silver container of trifle in the bin, uneaten, and I was never allowed to go to Joe’s house after that. In fact, I was never allowed to go to anyone’s house. And no one ever came to my house to play. That huge house by the sea. What a waste, hey?’

I felt my heart ache a familiar ache.

‘So, you see, Daisy. You’re the first. You are the first person I have ever taken back to my house. Ever.’

‘Families…’ I paused. ‘Families are tricky. Why do you suppose your mum refuses to tell you who your dad is? I mean we have a right to know now we have a baby coming surely?’

Ben stayed focused on the road. ‘Sometimes I don’t know if I want to know.’

I left Ben’s words hanging and turned my thoughts to my own complex life. Was it my turn? Did I now need to offer a confession in return? Is that how a marriage worked? I figured it was about love. Trust. But everyone has a past, we all make mistakes, did things we cannot correct. But then we move on and beautiful new things happen. Like Ben.

He had barely questioned my past, except for a few one-sided conversations about my parents and when would we get to meet them. I batted his queries away as quickly as I could, reminding him the cost of travelling to and from Australia was too great for either party. He seemed to accept this for now. What I didn’t reveal was that the relationship between me and my family was like an ancient lost relic, buried deep in in my subconscious, never to be unearthed again.

Suddenly Ben was speaking again. ‘My relationship with my mother is and always will be a strange one. I mean, what kind of mother doesn’t let their kid play with another kid? I have vague memories of children. Children I played with whilst my mum was working maybe?’ Ben continued to monologue while he drove.

‘I remember their faces. They must have been the only children I played with as a kid. Apart from them, there was no one. We never had any parties, no after school play dates. Nothing.’

Ben stopped the car as the traffic lights turned to red. He looked hard into the distance.

‘Except I do remember something. A vague memory, a cake… singing. Everyone clapping and smiling. Lots of people. Can’t think what that would have been. It could have been someone else’s party, I suppose; I’m sure Mum must have let me go to one of their parties. Do you think that’s odd, Daisy?’ He turned to face me and gave me one of his double blinks.