Bring him back.

Take your baby out of the hands of those strangers.

Don’t let the most beautiful thing you have ever created be taken away.

Don’t let Eve leave.

I ignored it.

The instinct.

The pull.

I let her go.

I lost her.

I’d lost him.

That night as I lay down to sleep, I listened to the low clanking sound of Annie downstairs as she washed up the dishes from dinner. I allowed myself to tune into the chiming of the pipes, the rhythmic sound that was now so familiar it didn’t alarm me, but almost brought me comfort at a time when very little could.

I fell into a deep sleep that night and dreamt about giving birth at the beach house. I was outside in the dark and the cold, the labour was quick and painless.

The baby fell out of me and was swept out to sea.

The baby was Alice.

53

ANNIE

I woke with a start as though someone had shaken me violently. I jumped out of bed and almost ran to her room. I poked my head round the door and found her still sleeping. It was not yet 6 a.m.

She was almost ready to have the baby. There was no way of telling without scans and knowing all her dates, and I had no desire to know about the exact day she conceived with my son.

However, I had a feeling today would be the day that Daisy would go into labour. I had been watching her last night as she struggled with every step, stopping and bending over with the weight of the baby low in her pelvis.

It was a strange day all in all. It felt like a day of new beginnings in many ways. Watching Daisy last night and knowing she was so close to delivering, I decided that it was time to let Ben go. Neither Daisy nor I had been in contact with him for such a long time and I knew deep down that he had made his decision. If Ben truly wanted to be a part of my life he would be here with us now. But I knew my son and, regardless of everything I had done to raise that boy well, he had thrown it back in my face. And for that I could never forgive him.

So I pushed all thoughts of Ben aside and I instinctively began to prepare myself. I had the birth pool set up. It had been there for several weeks already. Daisy had noted it a few times but didn’t really make any comment on its imposition nor importance as it sat there taking up the main space in the lounge. I had plenty of juice and teas, brought some local honey as I read it can be very good to take during labour as it gives natural energy. I had purchased several aromatherapy oils from the internet and I had even invested in some resuscitation gear online. I didn’t want to tempt fate, but I had to be fully prepared for all possibilities.