I looked at Annie’s hands outstretched one holding the water and one holding the pill. I felt the anxiety as it filtered its way around my body, I thought of my teeth and of the strange sentences getting stuck in my head like a scratched record.

‘You’re right,’ I muttered.

I took the glass, popped the pill in my mouth, took a large gulp of water and swallowed.

Annie smiled and nodded. She placed the plate of fruit in front of me. I looked at the array of colours of watermelon, kiwi and grapes. ‘Eat as much as you can. I’ll be back later to collect it.’

I watched as Annie walked out of the room leaving the door ajar. When I heard her footsteps reach the bottom of the stairs, I put my hand to my mouth and retrieved the little white pill from under my tongue.

44

ANNIE

With so many tasks to keep myself busy with and how I was literally counting down the days, I found a whole morning had raced by having filled it with all the things I now did for Daisy. I would rise to make breakfast before her. I then cleared up and started preparing us both a healthy lunch whilst Daisy did whatever she did. I kept an eye on her mind, tried to get her out in the garden if it was nice in the mornings. Inhale some of that sea air that was so good for the baby. But she was clearly depressed. The tablets were helping her hold it together, I couldn’t risk her coming off them yet. She could do all sorts of harm to herself. The girl was riddled with guilt, and so she should be.

Her acts were unforgivable, but she had the baby now and that changed everything. I was needed now more than anything.

After lunch Daisy was usually tired so she would nap. During this time I had been purchasing items for the baby online, looking on all the second-hand sites. It was amazing what I found for next to nothing. Daisy had not considered or talked about anything for the baby. I presumed she thought I would take care of it all, another sign the girl wasn’t well. An expectant mother should be embracing pregnancy and looking forward to the baby arriving, buying little bits here and there. But Daisy had paid no attention to any of it. It was almost as if she didn’t think there was going to be a baby. I was certain it was all going to work out just fine; as it should be.

When Ben arrived, I finally felt as though I had been awarded the most prestigious award possible. I felt as though I was the chosen one and Ben was the little oracle in my world. I didn’t think I would ever get to experience that once more. Yet here I was about to embark on that journey all over again. The anticipation was almost unbearable. I wanted to feel the baby in my arms. I was ready to be a mother again.